What Fresh Not-Heaven is This?

Seven hours have passed, and my hands have stopped shaking enough to type. There is no joy in Backroads. Tightly-wound Val has been put-out.

I tell the following story not to portray myself as an angel. I am far from it. But sometimes even an angel's patience can be tried to a breaking point...

Wednesday afternoon, I virtually skipped out of the Gas Station Chicken Store, new scratchers in hand. A man had held the door open for me on the way in, and another had said, "I hope you win, hon," as I made my exit. The day was sunny after a noontime shower. Heat building up again to 90. I climbed into T-Hoe and started writing my two-letter code on the back of my tickets. So I can remember where they came from, and adjust future ticket-buying there, depending on wins/losses.

What could possibly go wrong? It's my daily routine. I had my favorite parking spot, the handicap space at the corner of the building. In front of me was a Honda SUV, reminding me of Genius's CRV, though I didn't note the model. It was parked in the space by the air hose, which is not designated specifically for that purpose.

As I stashed my tickets in my purse, a red pickup truck came by on my right, and pulled cattywompus in front of the Honda to use the air hose. Nothing unusual about that. People do it all the time. There's room to pull in sideways, and the air hose can reach all four tires. Nobody was blocked in. There was room for the Honda to get out around the back of the red truck.

I saw the backup lights come on for the Honda. Figured they were coming back a little before cutting the wheels to drive forward around the back of the red truck. The Honda moved back towards T-Hoe. But no brake lights came on! I HONKED! 

WHAM!!!

That Honda rammed into T-Hoe's front bumper, giving me a jolt. Then it STOPPED! I mean, really, it wasn't able to come back any farther. But it was put in PARK! Still against T-Hoe. Bumpers kissing. I started T-Hoe to roll back a little. Not far, because I didn't want to block the pump entrance. As I released the pressure, that Honda rolled back farther, in the way a car does after you've put it in PARK on an incline. Just rolled until the transmission or whatever caught it.

I put my window down, and waited for the driver to come back and talk. To see what we were going to do about this incident. But NOBODY GOT OUT. Huh. I climbed down out of T-Hoe, and went to stand by the front bumper. I could not see the damage, because that Honda had rolled back after I stopped. There might have been an inch of space between the bumpers. 

Still no person coming to deal with this mess. I could hear voices, so more than one person was in that Honda. As I started to walk toward the driver's door, a woman's rumpus came out. No head. Just legs and a rumpus, with the trunk and head leaning inside the car. A sound of arguing. The only words I made out were, "SHUT IT!"

This was getting ridiculous.

"Uh... are you going to come back here and deal with this?"

"I am HAVING a conversation." A 45ish woman emerged, not small, with a haircut as bad as mine, wearing round-lensed tinted glasses.

"Well, you need to come figure this out, and save your family reunion for later."

"My family IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME!"

"Well, YOU HIT MY CAR, and need to do something about it."

"I never said I didn't, DID I?"

"Again, YOU are the one who caused this. I was just sitting in my car when you rammed it."

"I was sitting here because I was asleep! I was driving and I had to pull off."

"I don't need to know the reason why you were parked here. What the Not-Heaven, lady! YOU HIT MY CAR!"

"I told you, I was sleeping! My kids said, 'I think that lady needs to use the air hose.' So I backed up."

"I honked, but you hit me anyway."

"I didn't look in my mirror. I was SLEEPING! And my kids told me to back up! Do you think I hit your car on purpose?"

"The fact is, you HIT MY CAR! And instead of coming back to see how we can settle this, you stayed in your car, making ME be the one to come figure it out."

At this point, she was standing near the back of the Honda, and I was standing by the one-inch gap between the bumpers. Her husband, I suppose, got out of the passenger side and walked back to stand across from the one-inch gap on the other side. He was a skinny man in cargo shorts and Crocs, with a graying beard and sideways jaw. They could have been Jack Sprat and Wife.

"Call the police and file a report! It's over!" Not sure which of us Jack Sprat thought he was chastising.

"I don't WANT to call the police! I'm not going to hang around here for hours."

"Well, I WANT to call the police!" Jack Sprat thought that would punish me, I guess.

"I DON'T!"

"I HAVE insurance!"

"So do I. But I can't even see if there's any damage."

"What do you want me to DO, get back in the car and pull forward?"

"Yes! Because I don't have room to back up without blocking the pumps. And I don't see why I should be the one who has to keep getting in and out of my car when YOU hit ME!"

Rammer pulled forward a bit and came back to look. There did not appear to be damage to either vehicle, except for some blue paint in corresponding bumper locations. Not sure what that was about, since the Honda was gray, and T-Hoe is black. Maybe Rammer had hit another vehicle while sleep-driving and following her kids' instructions, and that's where the blue paint came from.

"I don't really see any damage. I don't think we need a police report."

"Okay then. We're all done." Jack Sprat went back towards the front of the Honda.

"Is that all you want from me?"

"Again, lady, YOU are the one who HIT MY CAR. You could have at least walked back and maybe said you were sorry and then looked at the damage. Rather than sitting in your car, making me get out, and then ignoring me while you were arguing with your family."

"I APOLOGIZE! Is THAT good enough??? Do you think I hit you on purpose?"

"I accept your apology. I'm sorry for yelling, but you DID hit my car. It has upset me the way you handled it. My hands are still shaking."

"It wouldn't have happened if I wasn't asleep."

"I don't see any damage, so as far as I'm concerned, it's over. This was not something I wanted to deal with today."

Rammer and Jack Sprat got back into the Honda, and pulled away and looped back past the diesel pumps. Maybe they went to park by the moat. The Red Pickup Air Lady was hanging up her hose. She just shook her head at me. Yeah. That's exactly how I felt. 

You know how Val is not one to figuratively show her rumpus in public. So many years of teaching, having to hold one's tongue, knowing there are ears everywhere just looking for an errant comment to take out of context and use as a weapon to knock Val from her lofty perch atop her high horse. I never make a scene. Rarely even stand up for myself when I have clearly been wronged by clerk or fellow customer.

But this time, I felt entitled to my loud mouth and foul temper...