Genius will be coming home for a few days over Christmas. Hick has said for months that we were going to re-do his room with a bigger bed so he'd be comfortable visiting. It's not like we force him to sleep in a blue plastic race-car bed, but something more adult would be nice. Hick didn't get around to it, though.
Good news is, Hick had three inflatable mattresses over in his storage unit stuff, in the Freight Container Garage. He aired one up, but it lost all its air overnight. When I left for town on Wednesday, he was wrestling another air mattress on top of A-Cad in the garage.
"We'll give this one a try, to see if it holds air."
When informed of the plan during a random phone call, Genius was not so sure he was on-board with the idea.
"I don't want to get bedbugs from a storage unit air mattress!"
"It's not an actual mattress! I don't think bedbugs can live for over two years in a storage unit without a source of blood to feast on. I'm sure Dad will clean it off before he brings it in the house."
Anyhoo...when I came home from town three hours later, I could see my garage door lifting as I came up the driveway. Huh. I guess Hick had been expecting me, though I hadn't called ahead. He's a real knee-saver when it comes to carrying in groceries. IF he's home.
That was curious. A vapor cloud was wafting out of the garage. My first thought was that Hick had started up A-Cad, and the exhaust was condensing in the 40-degree weather. Perhaps in another pretty-sure attempt to kill me, breathing in a garage full of car exhaust. Silly Hick! Didn't he know that opening the garage door put the kibosh on that tactic?
As I stopped on the edge of the carport, not wanting to pull T-Hoe into that swirling maelstrom, I saw the edge of a push broom. Hick was sweeping out the dirt that accumulates on the floor from rainy days when T-Hoe gets coated with mud from the mile-long drive up the gravel road.
Hick motioned me in. I did not move. No thank you. Why would I want to drive T-Hoe through dust he's already shed? Or breathe that stuff as it came in the vents? I waited. Hick swept more. The cloud was so thick, a cartoon Tasmanian Devil could have been spinning inside that dirt tornado.
Hick motioned to me again. The cloud seeped around the end of the garage, toward the fake fish pond. I drove inside. There stood Hick, leaning on his broom, near A-Cad's front bumper.
Oh. Did I mention that Hick was airing out that sleeping air mattress on A-Cad's roof? I'm pretty sure I did. I mentioned it again, right there, to Hick.
"I'll wipe it off. I'm just seeing if it holds air."
Let the record show that it did not. 24 hours later, it was flat as a pancake. Genius will need to find a new bed, and some (alleged) bedbugs will (possibly) need to find a new home.
Sounds like the inflatable Christmas decorations that people put in their yards only to find them deflated and lying flat on the ground the very next day.
ReplyDeleteSounds like Hick's spirits, when he discovered his treasure trove of inflatable mattresses was worthless!
DeleteBedbugs eat skin that sloughs off our bodies. I am sure they could find some dead skin in a storage unit. You still have time to get that new bed! Order it and they will deliver it!
ReplyDeleteHick is going with the inflatable mattress, and bought a new one at Walmart. NOT out of his own money, of course! AND he delivered it himself! Kept him out of trouble for a couple hours.
DeleteDarn those little buggers for BITING when they could chow down on already-harvested skin cells! Now I'm curious. Off to reunite with my estranged BFF Google.
Whoa! I found more that I ever wanted to know about bedbugs!
https://www.bedbugsinsider.com/what-do-bed-bugs-eat-other-than-blood/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/top-10-myths-about-bedbugs/
I think Genius would have been safe (AND the roof of A-Cad). Bedbugs have a tube for a mouth, so only suck blood, can't chew. They might live for as long as a year in cold climates, without a blood source.
Now, if I can only convince Hick to THROW AWAY three inflatable mattresses that don't hold air...
I am surprised he didn't put them in the pool to locate the leak and then fix it with gorilla tape. It is so sad that I am familiar with this method of fixing faulty leaks.
DeletePOOLIO is closed for the season! Duh! That might be the only reason he didn't try it.
DeleteI expect he will see if he can patch them first.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm afraid of! He might think he can make A DOLLAR profit on each one!
DeleteAt least Hick now knows not to sell those leaky airbeds. Why not wait until Genius arrives and then take him bed shopping? Tell him your upper $ limit and let him find his preferred bed. (as a Christmas gift to you, perhaps he could even pay for his preferred bed)
ReplyDeleteGenius will have limited time here (about 4 days), because he's going skiing in Colorado. With people to see, and Christmas festivities, there's no time for bed-shopping. He will likely only sleep on it less than two weeks a year. So re-doing his bedroom can wait for a calmer time.
DeleteDon't you have a couch in the basement? Oh yeah, I forgot about the paranormal activity. Tell Hick to start inflating.
ReplyDeleteWe DO have a couch in the basement, utilized mainly by The Pony while he's gaming. But Genius spent A YEAR sleeping down there on the old couch, when he was 9-10. I don't know why. He even had a CLAPPER for the lamp!
DeleteGenius didn't complain of any paranormal stuff. I told him he was way braver than me! But he used to talk about a man in his room. His room was colder than the rest of the house, whether winter or in the heat of summer, with the sun pouring in his west-facing window. Adjusting the vents didn't change that.
Only Hick would have three useless air mattresses, don't worry he will find a use for them.
ReplyDeleteAs one of my college buddies used to say, "That's not really something to be proud of."
DeleteImagine the possibilities (if you're Hick)! He could make tarp-like covers for truck beds, or use them to patch a leaky roof, or fashion sandals to protect tender feet after the Apopadopalyspe (as he calls it).
Or sling shots to hit zombies in the head. You know you have to destroy the brain right? Hick need not worry, as far as brains are concerned. You and I we need to.....
DeleteI'm pickin' up what you're layin' down!
Delete