Saturday, January 28, 2017

I Know It's NOT "Be Sure to Drink Your Ovaltine"

Since being lectured told-off chastised sent to bed without supper given the cold shoulder gently reminded about keeping me informed of his general location, Hick has either sent me a text, or left me a paper plate message within several hours of his escape departure. It's not so much that I must keep tabs on him, as I resent him questioning my every move when I make my daily 1/2 hour run to town for a 44 oz Diet Coke, while he disappears like cake on a teachers' workroom table.

This morning's paper-plate memo did nothing to dispel the rumor that Hick is an undercover international spy. He writes in code, portions of it indecipherable to Val. I'll let you try your hand at Hick's handwriting. Yes, I know that Joe H has an unfair advantage, due to reading Mrs. Cranky's shopping list. That's one of the perks of being an intermittent JERK!, I suppose.

Here's the message:


Let the record show that I saw this note when I was jarred out of a sweet, sweet slumber at the inhuman hour of 8:30 a.m., when the security company that monitors Hick's workplace called for him, regarding an alarm at their secondary building. Let the record further show that Hick has not worked since Thursday...today is Saturday...and he isn't scheduled to work again until Tuesday.

So...there was my message written in Hickese on a paper plate on the kitchen counter. Here is what I thought it said. I'll put it at the end, below a divider, lest it poison your brain and spoil your attempt at code-reading. Best of luck. I'm betting on Joe H to provide the best translation, though there's not a prize, and I'm not playing favorites. I don't-really-care-about all of you equally.

Happy decoding. Don't cheat and read somebody else's before giving it a try!

***********************************************************************

I read this message as:

"Gone to town then work in barn might get aircraft ruder gay corn ring Tom now am if we this."

Let the record show that Hick has a buddy named Tom. And that I called Hick to see what the Not-Heaven he was trying to tell me.

17 comments:

  1. Sounds like he might get a "haircut!"

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    1. Yes. They take 4 hours, you know. Even though he doesn't have all that much hair.

      Delete
  2. Gone to town, then work in barn, might get hair cut,
    roofer guy coming tomorrow if no rain.

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    1. I think that's it; you might have an advantage reading your wife's lists!!

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    2. Winner, winner, gas station chicken dinner (for ME).

      Yes, your grocery list reading prepared you well, Mr. Cranky. You were the first, and I even kept your translation hidden while others rolled in.

      Congratulations on not winning a prize. It's braggin' rights that count.

      Delete
  3. Going to town, then work in barn. Might get haircut. Roofer guy coming tomorrow if no rain.

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    1. Correct. You might have a future as an international spy. You could be Natasha to Hick's Boris.

      If you don't get that reference, you are too young to be reading Val's blog! Toddle off, whippersnapper, before it's too late.

      Delete
  4. And the roofer guy is coming tomorrow if it doesn't rain.

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    1. Yes. That could be a code phrase to recognize your spy counterpart. You even have your agent number already! Looks like there have been a few since the days of Agent 86 and Agent 99.

      Delete
  5. After the word "haircut" I saw "roofe guy." Is that Hick's spelling of rohypnols? Does he have a "roofies guy"?

    I think you'd better not let any beverage go unwatched at your house. Don't let Hick go to town and get you a soda. If you do, he might roofie you... You'll not be able to move and he'll go on a Goodwill and Goodfeet Store spree...

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    1. Hick has a guy for about everything. The ones with the ZZ Top beards, wearing fringed cut-off jean shorts and work boots, who poured the concrete floor in my $17,000 house basement, did not impress my mom.

      It wouldn't take much to make ME not move. I hesitate to submit a sample to Ancestry.com, because I'm pretty sure there's some sloth DNA in my family tree.

      Delete
  6. Gone to town, then work in barn, might get a haircut.
    Roofer guy coming tomorrow if no rain.
    I did not look at any other translations before attempting my own. I am married to HeWho sends texts that he does not type, but relies upon his phone to decipher his words. And, I was a nurse long ago and had to translate doctor's orders. I did have to look at the "roofer" twice, as it could have been "rooter", as in having to do with the septic system.

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    1. Yes, correct. I knew you had the HeWho connection, but I didn't think he was a note-writer. However, even remembering you were a nurse, I overlooked your doctor-writing advantage!

      Looks like you would make a good replacement spouse for Hick, in the event that he "accidentally" causes my demise. You and he and HeWho could all move a few states west...you could have "brother-husbands" and possibly a reality show!

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  7. It does bring to mind a certain moose and squirrel, but I can't say that I watched them much. I did feel good to be called a whippersnapper at 56, though. :0)

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    1. I wouldn't be surprised if you were asked for ID at the casino! You'd be a virtual toddler in that crowd.

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