Friday, January 20, 2017

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #44 "I Know What You Did Last Second"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Come on. It's not against the law. But you may look at the law from a different vantage point after you read this week's fake book. Have YOU ever broken the law? We have ways of finding out, you know. So to keep Val from dropping a dime on you, perhaps it would be best for you to pony up some cash for the latest volume to add to your Thevictorian Library. Cash is not as traceable as plastic, you know. Unless you consider the DNA you leave on it when you touch it.

I Know What You Did Last Second

Troy days are numbered. Since childhood, he's been breaking rules. Breaking laws. Now he's gone too far.

Little Troy put Pink Pet erasers in his shoes to be tall enough to ride the Scrambler. Lied about driving experience hours to get his license. Over-inflated his tires. Played his radio a skosh too loud while driving through the hospital zone. Stuffed his birthday party invitation into his neighbor's mailbox without a stamp. Watched an NC17 movie on cable at 16 years, 364 days. Bought a pack of vending machine cigarettes at 17 years, 364 days. Ate a box of liquor-filled chocolates at 20 years, 364 days old. Yesterday, Troy drove 39 mph on the interstate.

Now Troy is hiding in his bedroom closet, peering through the louvered door, awaiting the SWAT team. Because just a second ago, he ripped the tag off his new pillow.

Will Troy make it out alive? (150 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

D.B.Cooper..."If I was Thevictorian, no amount of money could make me show my face again. Her fake book made me want to throw myself out of a plane!"

Alcatraz 3..."We would swim the widest ocean to escape this fake author's work. First of all, it made our heads feel empty. We found this fake book tepid and bloated, yet it left us cold."

The Birdman of Alcatraz..."A little birdie told me this fake book ain't worth crap."

Ted "Unabomber" Kaczynski..."Thevictorian needs to hole up in a shack in a remote woodsy area. MY writing makes more sense than this fake book. I predict it will bomb."

Al Capone..."If this fake author needs a hideout, I have an unopened vault where she can hang her fedora while she's on the lam. I'm not much for reading, but I'll drink a toast to her fake book."

John Coffey..."I wish she could take it back. I wish Thevictorian could take back this fake book. I can't read, myself, but folks has told me reading this fake book is like walkin' the Green Mile."

Paul McCartney..."The jailer man and Sailor Sam were searching everyone for a copy of this fake book. Nobody had one. Maybe I'm amazed. Actually, I'm not. It's crap. I'd rather read silly love songs. I winged this fake book across the room yesterday. Now I need a place to hide away. And so does Thevictorian."

Dr. Richard Kimble..."Is Thevictorian a one-armed man? Because this fake book was written as if the author had one hand tied behind his back."


  1. I personally know El Chapo and the next time he escapes maybe I can convince him to teach Troy how to dig a tunnel.

    1. That is knowledge Troy may be needing if he doesn't change his scofflaw ways!

  2. Can I down load the fake book from stolen computer sign-on?

    1. I think that would be quite fitting. As long as you pony up your payment to Val.

  3. Even "The Fugitive" risked his freedom to write a review. Impressive!

    That Troy is a wild boy. I hope he gets locked up... for good.

    1. Yes, reviewers make those sacrifices when they feel strongly about a book.

      Locked up for good? don't mean like Otis at the Mayberry jail?

  4. Troy definitely seems like a rebel!! I don't think I would like him in my classroom! :) (I used to be scared to death of those pillow tags when I was a child. One time I accidentally ripped it off and couldn't sleep for a week!)

    1. Accidentally...of course! You know that still goes on your permanent record, right?