Monday, October 24, 2016

Backroads is Flowing With the Milk of Human Kindness

I don't know whether to hawk the wares of my proposed handbasket factory due to signs of the approach of the apopadopalyspe...or send out refunds to those who already advance-purchased a handbasket, since it may not be needed.

Today my encounters with fellow denizens of Backroads were ALL POSITIVE! Four out of six interactees went above and beyond expectations by SMILING and offering assistance! That must be some kind of record. The ODDS, people! The ODDS!

First up was a little old white-haired lady with a wiry perm and granny glasses. Though she was more likely a great-granny or a great-great. I had just parked my full cart at T-Hoe's rear on the Walmart parking lot. I had the space to the right of a cart corral. That way I don't have nincompoops jamming their hoopties up next to me so that I can't get T-Hoe's door open to get back in. The hatch was up, held by a good strong hydraulic thingy that didn't match the other side, but was far better than the crutch Hick gave me to prop it open for a couple weeks before he got it fixed a few years ago.

"Do you need any help?"

I was startled! I had seen the LOWHL push her cart into the corral. And now she was offering to HELP ME!

"Oh, thank you! But I'm fine. Just putting all the cold stuff together. I have a bit of a drive."

"All right. You have a nice day."

"You too. Thank you so much."

How run-down and weak and unhealthy and decrepit must Val look to be offered help by a LOWHL who must have been pushing 85? I suppose she was only being nice. I wasn't having any trouble. Just picking up bags and setting them in the car.

Second was the checker at the Casey's where I get gas for T-Hoe. She handed back my change, and dropped two dimes between the back of her register and a display of muffins. She could have let me fish them out from under the wires snaking along the counter. But no. She leaned her short little self over and stuck her Olive Oyl arms in there and groped around until she snagged them.

"Here's your change! Sorry! I didn't mean to throw it at you!"

"That's okay! Thank you."

Third was right outside on the parking lot, at the pump next to me.

"Oh, did you need to use this? A dirty bird hit my windshield, and I had to clean it off."

"No, thanks. I had a hickory nut hit mine the other day, but my windshield was fine. It scared me, though. It was like when a truck shoots a rock out from under its tire at you!"

"Oh, yes! That's always scary! I'll put his back, then. You have a nice day."

"And you too!"

Fourth was the guy who rang up my 44 oz Diet Coke from the new convenience store that The Pony and I kept hoping would be open before school was out in May. It's not far from Casey's, but I'd made a trip out to my bank first, and was on the way back home then, and didn't plan to go into Backroads proper to get my magical elixir from the gas station chicken store. This convenience store has really good Diet Coke, but it's out of my way for an everyday trip.

I handed the clerk two dollars for my $1.26 purchase. And he gave me back THREE QUARTERS!

"Thank you. Come again."

"Thanks. You have a nice day."

Yep. That clerk dude gave me an extra ONE CENT! He was so nice that it didn't even bother me that I had been expecting those four pennies and two dimes for future correct change for a gas station chicken store 44 oz Diet Coke.

I'm almost afraid to leave the house tomorrow. Even Steven might be striving to restore equilibrium.


  1. OMG, your last sentence was almost word for word the comment I was planning!

    Instead I'll say this, In NJ we would expect the LOWHL to whack you in the head ala Ruth Buzzi and steal your pocketbook.

    1. That must mean you are no stranger to Even Steven.

      I guess those LOWHL in NJ need to steal in order to fund their dirty-water cocktail habit. The whacking is just for personal satisfaction.

  2. I have a feeling Hick will even things out for you... and you won't even have to leave the homestead.

    1. He DID mention last night that he's taking off work at noon on Friday. I rue the thought of the afternoon EVENING that's in store for me.

  3. Replies
    1. I am apprehensive. Made a trip to town and nothing untoward happened. But I still have my walk, and supper preparation, and Hick interaction to go.

  4. My Even Stephen comment would have been Beware the S--thammer! It's coiling up and preparing to strike.

    1. Potato, potaahhhto. Even Steven, S--thammer.

      We say it differently in various regions of the country, but we still know what we mean.

  5. It's time to retire the penny, which doesn't buy anything anymore.

    1. Well, I guess inflation will result in nickels from heaven.