Friday, October 21, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #31 "A Boy Named Huge"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. Val Thevictorian is still on the biography bandwagon this week. Or is she OFF the wagon? Her new fake book is the story of a guy who's bigger than life. Literally. Go get the combination for your wall safe, swing that picture away from the vault, and dig out some fake money for this week's fake book. Because Val doesn't take checks, and she doesn't accept American Express.

A Boy Named Huge:
A Young Man's Strange Erotic Journey From Bemidji to Branson

Huge is pretty sure he has a different dad than his brother Sue. For as long as he can remember, Sue has been fighting for respect, while no one ever messes with Huge. And Huge has more ladies than he can shake Ever since Sue ran into his daddy at an old saloon in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, last July, Huge has wanted to find his own flesh and blood.

Huge leaves his hometown of Bemidji, Minnesota, in search of his roots. It's not easy. Huge sometimes makes ends meet by playing Two-Hand Monte with local yokels. He can't stay at a location long. Townspeople board up their windows in an effort to keep out Huge's flatulence, and shoo him on to the next town.

Will Huge ever find out who his father is? Will he be able to earn a respectable living playing the world's largest fiddle in Branson, Missouri? (150 words)


Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Greg Brady…"As a former Big Man on Campus, and having performed in Branson myself, I was excited to read about the life of a boy named Huge. Okay, the title is what really drew me in. I give Thevictorian two thumbs up for this fake bio."

Alice, the Brady Family's Housekeeper…I can only dream that my boyfriend Sam the Butcher had been a little more like Huge. Something tells me this guy can really deliver the meat! I already had to buy my second copy of Thevictorian's fake book, because I wore out my first one, reading it every night at bedtime.” 

Marcia Brady…”He's no Davy Jones, but Huge is kind of cute. I'm glad HE never hit me in the nose with a football! I am writing an essay on this biography, trying to win a contest. It's a pretty good book, I guess.”

Jan Brady…”I wish somebody would write a book about my boyfriend, George Glass. Maybe Val Thevictorian can do that for me. IF I can find George's phone number. Then I'll show everybody that George is real. So fake-buy this fake book, because I need Thevictorian to be a household name when George's biography comes out!” 

Cindy Brady…”'Big-man talk, big-man talk, it's a wonder you can walk!' Said nobody to Huge. Ever. I don't like to read much, but this fake book empowered me to stand up for myself. Even if I can never stand as tall as Huge."

Peter Brady…”I wonder how Huge sounded before his voice changed. I bet he never got fired from a bicycle shop. AND I bet he ate a lot of pork chops and applesause. I've only read the first chapter so far, but I recommend you get this fake book, because if my dad can buy 9 fake copies, the least you can do is fake-buy one."

Bobby Brady…”I could have sold a lot more hair tonic if I took Huge door-to-door with me! He could have played Two-Hand Monte with my customers, too. A win for both of us. Get this fake book! It shows you how to make money quick."

Carol Brady…”This was a fascinating character study. We all need a little Huge in our life. Imagine how much Wesson Oil that guy would go through in a week! I could have made a name for myself and stopped being a housewife, had I only found this guy sooner, to send Wesson stock shooting through the roof. Get this fake book! If only to dream of lost opportunities.”

Mike Brady..."I really wish I hadn't kicked the bucket before this fake book came out. I think I would have really liked getting to know Huge. He seems like he had a lot to offer."


  1. The Brady's are more excited about Huge than for Davy Jones, Don Drysdale or Joe Namath.

    I will buy this fake book as soon as I get paid for passing GO.

    1. You're pretty discriminating with your fake dollars, sir!

      And let's not forget Colonel Dick Whitfield, the astronaut guest of honor at the awards banquet when Marcia helped that homely girl win over her own self as Senior Banquet Night Host.

  2. Isn't it Peter Brady who was the middle boy? Isn't he the one who's touting his fake hair on TV? Or am I all wrong?

    I am sure Mike Brady would have loved Huge. And he makes Sam seem spineless and weak in comparison.

    (Finally, Friday has arrived at my household. It's like it's reeeeeeeally late on Friday.)

    1. Peter is the middle boy, but I have not seen him hawk fake hair.

      I think that maybe you are using a calendar that you ordered really cheap from overseas, and your days are not the same as mine...

  3. I am coughing, choking and spewing as I read each of these. You are wickedly warped and need to do stand up comedy based on Sioux's fake books.

    1. I will not be held responsible for aspirations (and I don't mean hopes and dreams) or asphyxiations! I admit to being warped. Sioux is an enabler.

  4. We have one of those giant figures from Midas in our neighborhood, only they changed the head into a rabbit to advertise "Harvey's" marine supplies, from the famous Jimmy Stewart movie.

    1. Shh...Sioux is probably on the next plane out of Lambert International, with her camera ready, so a Harvey fake book might be on the horizon.