Friday, October 7, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #29 "Count on Randy to Disguise Your Modus Operandi"

Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to convince you to fake-buy my fake book. This week, sweet mystery lovers are in for a treat! And so are mysterious sweets lovers! Val's latest fake book deals with fried dough AND international intrigue. Get out your fake money. If you know what's good for you!



Count on Randy to Disguise Your Modus Operandi

"It's a little donut shop in the valley. No questions asked."

At the auction, inside a small white vase which looks disturbingly like Thomas Jefferson sitting on a boot taking a crap, Nick Thethicktorian finds the note. He's no stranger to auctions. Or cryptic messages. Nick may or may not be working sporadically for a clandestine government agency. He has the perfect cover: a seemingly harmless, not-quite-Mensa-material, nondescript good 'ol boy who travels for work, taking apart machines and packing them for overseas shipment.

Early Monday morning, Nick, parks his overalled rumpus on a stool at the counter of Randy's Donuts.

"Can I get you some coffee, sir?"

"The Long John dunks at midnight."

Randy pokes his head out of the kitchen. "The disposal has a short in it. Can you come take a look?"

What will Nick find in the disposal? And in the tunnels under the shop? (149 words)

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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Paul Bunyan…"Whenever I'm in town, I always stop by Randy's Donuts. Twelve dozen fills me up these days, but I get a couple of gross to go, and load up Babe. This Victorian woman would do better to stuff her face with a few dozen donuts, rather than slandering Randy's good name with her preposterous tell-all fake book. It left me colder than yesterday's coffee."

Homer SimpsonI don't see why anybody would waste fake money on this fake book. It doesn't even TASTE like a donut. The cover is misleading.” 

John Travolta as Bill Clinton in Primary Colors, sitting at the counter of the donut shop used in filming…”A total work of fiction. And not a good one. I can't imagine anybody using a donut shop to hide the bodies of 76 associates who died mysteriously. Thevictorian should have released this real trashy fake book under the pseudonym 'Anonymous.'”

Sue Grafton…”I hear the original fake title was 'D is for Donut.' Funny how fast a faker can think up a new title, once a lawsuit is slapped on the table. The only mystery here is how this bloated dough-hole got published. And I'm NOT referring to the book.” 

Krispy Kreme CEO…”Let the record show that this fake book deals with cake donuts. Not the delicious glazed delights put out by our company, as fluffy as the fake writing of this fake author. Thevictorian needs to watch her step, and her flapping mouth, or she will find herself in a wicket stickier than our frosting."


8 comments:

  1. That Nick sounds suspiciously like another rumpus I've read about... As always, your references are jam-packed into your blurb--much like a dozen of those crack-filled Krispy Kremes are jam-packed into a box.

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    1. I had to edit severely. It was way up to 188 words when I started! Imagine 38 extra Krispy Kremes jam-packed into a box!

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  2. I'll gladly buy it with my fake money--please have the fake delivery company send it ASAP!!

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    1. I'll even fake-autograph it for you!

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  3. You make me laugh out loud...and crave Krispy Kremes.

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    1. That craving? Just another service Val provides.

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  4. I wonder what Nick finds in the disposal! I love reading your blurbs and am always in awe of your creativeness!

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    1. You are too kind!

      I think Nick will find parts of people who were DISPOSED OF.

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