Tweet! Tweet! I'm not talking about the social networking site. It's
the Grammar Police, y'all, back to issue some citations to those young
whippersnappers who never probably even had to learn cursive in
elementary school, what with technology rearing its attention-demanding
head. They cut their teeth on tiny telephone keypads, and revel in
showing off their mad word skillz in comment sections everywhere.
Everywhere except Val's blog. Because Val has old-school spellers.
Do
these folks ever read books? Newspapers? Do they have a nodding
acquaintance with Webster's, or Funk and Wagnalls? Have they never read a
movie title? A first aid book? The recall list for various food
manufacturers? Have they heard of this newfangled Dictionary.com thing?
Or even my BFF Google?
Here are today's top three offenders:
Botchalism.
Pick-a-nick.
Turnicate.
Yeah.
I suppose you can psychically decipher each one. But I have chosen
instead to make my own definition. Okay, at first I was going to make my
one defintion. But THAT was just a faulty-fingered typing error. I know how to spell it. Really.
Botchalism -
noun. A common disease caused by incompetence, which renders every task
attempted by the infectee a messed-up exercise in futility.
Pick-a-nick -
noun. A carnival game in which the shill entices the mark to put his
money down and guess the combined number of shaving mishaps on the
newly-groomed Jo Jo the Dogfaced Boy and the Ex-Bearded Lady.
Turnicate - adj. The
curlicued pattern of swirls carved into the upper leg area of dining
room tables. "The turnicate design was wasted under the drape of the
Thanksgiving tablecloth."
There. You're welcome.
Val enjoys short walks nowhere near the beach, fluffy kitties, 44 oz. Diet Cokes, and wordsmithing in her spare time.
I am afraid to comment as my spelling is atroshis!
ReplyDeleteYour locution is amazing. Spare time? You should be researching your property's history, so we can learn more about the entity that sips your 44 ounce. Now wrap your lips around that straw.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorites is "chiwawa", but recently, I saw that someone had a "dodson" for sale .... with papers, "full breeded".
ReplyDeleteI think I have this comment snafu figured out. All I have to do is shut down all my windows for the comment to go through. Otherwise, hitting "publish" will shut down everything. No problem .....
ReplyDeleteI'm a terrible speller but I did find this post very entertaining.
ReplyDeleteYou are an expert wordsmith!
ReplyDeleteSpell check keeps me in line. If I didn't have spell check I'd havta trust mah on ahz to figger out whut was the rot way to spell theez weerd uhmurkin wurds.
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteThat has never stopped you before, and as you may recall, the Grammar Police have not fined you. You are not Backroads enemy number one.
*******
Linda,
What do you think I am, some kind of cuh-RAZY historian eager to dig up clues from the past? History was my worst subject. I would rather carve up a fetal pig than dwell on some old industrial revolution. HOWEVER...I do know that our property was once part of a large farm that was subdivided and sold as 10-acre lots, and that our neighbor one lot over found a cannon ball on his land. That headless dude was in an old-timey black suit with a white shirt with a standup collar, and spherical black buttons down the front. We built the house, so there's no previous tenant.
******
Kathy,
I hope that full-breeded dodson with papers has not been "spaded."
You're quite the genius to figure out that comment glitch. Unless, of course, that was a total coincidence that you can't replicate.
******
Stephen,
I have not noticed that you suffer from that affliction. In lieu of medication, feel free to ask my BFF Google for a dance. She recognizes many misspelled words, and regurgitates correct ones all willy-nilly. Or it could just be that she's had too much of the spiked punch.
*****
Donna,
I LOVE to be called an expert! Thank you so much. Hick says I'm an expert at watching entertainment for morons on TV.
*****
Leenie,
See? The tools are available, but some folks act like they're going to lose their fingers in a spellchecking accident.
My poor children are a product of a grammar nazi.
ReplyDeleteexample
Child - Him and me went to the park.
Me - I beg your pardon?
Child - (Louder) Him and me went to the park.
Me - I beg your pardon?
Child (Almost shouting) - Him and me went to the park!
Me - I beg your pardon?
Child - Ohhhhhhhhhhh! He and I went to the park!
Birdie,
ReplyDeleteI commend you. As long as your eardrums hold out.