Sigh. It is SO hard keeping Hick alive.
there's that time-consuming business of telling him to breathe in,
breathe out. Then I have to police his food consumption to stop his
ingestion of expired items. And warn him to never, ever, run alongside his moving tractor and try to jump on again when he knocks it into gear from the ground. Friday he stayed home sick, and I insisted
he make an appointment to see the doctor. Now he has a FAT RED INDEX
FINGER. I've sent him off to Urgent Care, the wicked stepmother of that always-closed
Hick was gone
three days to Florida last week while I was getting over a cold. Let the
record show that he was in good health when he departed early Sunday
morning. He returned Tuesday night. And woke up Wednesday morning with a
cough and congestion. As much as he wants to point the blamey finger at
me, I call shenanigans. Even the all-powerful Val cannot infect someone
so that full-blown symptoms show up within eight hours. Especially since I was
finally on the mend. My days of contagion had done passed, by cracky! I
figured it was some virus he picked up in Florida, or from the airplane
Friday morning I told wheezy Hick he didn't have to put
on the sickly act for me, and that he should get himself a diagnosis and/or medicine. He did not sound good. He
sounded almost bad enough for me to give him sympathy and wait on him
hand and foot. However...he could only see the nurse practitioner at his
doctor's office (because doctors only see well people on their
six-month check-up visits, you know, and can't be bothered with
worked-in sick people). That NP listened to Hick's lungs, told him there
was basically nothing wrong with him, and to take TWO ibuprofens every
4-6 hours! Last time I checked, ibuprofen had been ruled not really very good for folks with high blood pressure. Flash forward to this morning, and Hick's cough had not improved. He was still running a fever.
fever business was kind of hard to confirm. First Hick complained of
feeling hot. He wanted me to test his forehead. Yes, it felt hot. He got
the thermometer. He said that earlier, it had showed that he was normal.
I let that huge softball float right past me into the catcher's mitt.
Genius had already hit one out of the park on Friday night, when Hick
emailed him that something was wrong with his Facebook page. "I can't
find friends." I turned to look at Hick over my shoulder, and caught him
putting the thermometer in his armpit. WITH THE T-SHIRT FABRIC ON EACH
SIDE. Seriously? What is he, an infant? A t-shirt-wearing infant? I
suppose we're lucky that Hick did not try the backdoor route. Once under
his tongue, the thermometer showed about a degree of fever. Enough to
be sent home from school. I made him promise to try to see the actual
DOCTOR on Monday. Because he's not getting better if he has a fever five
days after coming down with a cold.
The FAT RED INDEX
FINGER was discovered by accident on my part. Hick has arisen from
twelve hours of sleep and gone straight to the couch to lay down. He was
fiddling with that finger when he said, "I think I have some kind of
infection in my finger." I could see it from across the room. The
fingertip joint had a protrusion that was bulbous and red. Like a W.C. Fields nose on Hick's
finger. I asked if it started around his fingernail. Yep. There's a name
for that. Paronychia. And it might have progressed to a felon. That's
right! Hick may or may not be harboring a felon in his fingertip! Don't
search for pictures. I warned you. That's what my mom had with her FAT
RED PINKY FINGER. It took her three months to get over it, which was
done by a bone-scraping surgery, not the lopping off that an osteopath
recommended. Hick is not talking out of his head yet like Mom was just
before her diagnosis. But with his diabetes, I'm thinking he probably
needs to get right on some treatment for that infection. He reported
that he had it in his other hand a couple of weeks ago. Which kind of
points to an infection that was coiled in his bloodstream, ready to
So...Hick and Genius have gone off to Urgent
Care, with plans to visit Goodwill if Urgent Care is closed. It made
sense to them, anyway.
HEY! SET YOUR DVR FOR GOOD MORNING AMERICA TOMORROW (MONDAY, MARCH 18) BECAUSE MOMMY-X IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE HER TELEVISION DEBUT!
Sorry to shout. But now I'll have a brush with greatness story. Oh, sure, I want you all to see Mommy Needs a Xanax on TV. But really, it's all about giving me a name to drop. Because I knew her before she was famous. And I was even nice to her then!