Two Bits, Four Bits, Six Bits, a Dollar! If You're Over Thirty, Stand Up and Holler!

Let's hear it for old people.

That's right. You heard me. Because I'm old. Or maybe you didn't. Because you're old. But it wasn't for lack of me trying to get out the message.

Kids these days! And by kids, I mean anybody under thirty. They can't be bothered with us oldies. We are in the way of their pleasure. Haven't you noticed that in your dealings with folks who serve the public? Clerks, waitresses, tellers, cashiers. We bother them. They don't want to look at us. They want to get us out of their way as soon as humanly, retaining-employment possible.

We cut into their valuable time, you know. Time that could better be used to roll their eyes behind our backs. Ride a kitchen broom like a stick-horse. Text friends working in other minimum-wage jobs. Sext their significant others. Tweet that they just waited on the most annoying old geezer who expected them to carry food to the table, and only left a ten percent tip.

Our fellow old people, on the other liver-spotted hand, revel in serving us. We are kindred spirits. A chat of ten to fifteen minutes is not uncommon, as long as there is no line backing up. Old people are pleased as punch to have gainful employment in order to supplement their income so they don't have to eat cat food. Which is, perhaps, an outdated reference, when one knows that one can get a new McDonald's caramelized onion burger for less than the cost of Fancy Feast.

Old people do not know how to text. Perhaps they USED TO sext, back when it was called flashing. None of that eye-rolling for them. You never know when your eyes might get stuck like that. And you will never, ever catch an old folk riding a kitchen broom like a stick-horse. They could break a hip, you know. An old person will not hesitate to tell you about Aunt Bertha's compromised sacroiliac, or complain how people these days take their babies out at all hours of the night without even putting shoes on their tiny sock feet. AND they will count back your change with authority.

Let's hear it for old people.