Genius was having issues with his package last night.
He came to my dark basement lair for a consultation. And I with a shingle not even hung on my nonexistent door. "Did you or The Pony see my package when you got home?"
"No. I did not see your package. I'm sure The Pony would have mentioned it if he noticed. Or grabbed it on the way from the garage to the house. Your package would stick out like a sore thumb. It's not like we wouldn't see it."
"Well, I can't find my package. I looked everywhere! It's not by the door. It's not on the front porch. It's not on top of the doghouse on the back porch. It's not in the garage. My package is missing!"
"I don't know what to tell you. Did your dad have his dentist appointment today? Maybe he came home early and saw your package laying on the front porch and put it in his car. Here. I'll call him. Did you see Genius's package? All right. Just checking. He's preoccupied with his package tonight. Dad has no information on your package."
"FedEx says they left it here at 12:30. I hope those dogs didn't eat my package! I didn't see any bits of it in the front yard like when they ate Dad's Case Collector Knife. I am going to call FedEx and give them a piece of my mind! I think they are lying, and still have my package on their truck like that one time."
"Check one more time before you make a scene."
Off Genius went to the porch and garage. I didn't hear anything else from him. Hick arrived. Doors opened and slammed willy-nilly. I sent The Pony to inquire about Genius's precious package. Genius stomped downstairs to fill me in.
"I called FedEx and they said they left it in the garage. I told them it wasn't in the garage. They said they put it through the cat door. I went outside and saw that they had shoved it in the cat door, and Dad ran over it when he pulled into the garage. Idiots!"
"Is your package damaged? Can you still use it?"
"It was just photo paper. The box is crunched, but there's not much you can do to a stack of paper. Oh. And FedEx broke the cat door."
Where the FedEx man stuffed Genius's package:
FedEx might as well run a tab, after the yard trench debacle and offer of landscaping services. Do you know what happens when a country cat door is broken? Possum infestation. Possums LOVE dry cat food left in an old roasting pan alternately freezing and baking in an accessible garage.
If that dog-fearing FedEx man thought he was scared seeing cat eyes peering back at him when he used the proper door...wait until a possum hisses at him from the depths of the dark garage.