Hick Can Renovate a Kitchen, But Can't Comprehend What Goes on in One

Hick is quite talented at looking at a room in a flip house, and knowing what to do with it. Make it smaller, make it bigger, turn it into another room. It's simple for him. He might draw a floor plan for me if I ask, but for him, it's all in his head. He takes measurements, cuts boards, and VOILA! A new room has been created.

It's the simple things that give Hick trouble.

Saturday night, I made meat loaf for supper. I don't have a recipe. I just throw stuff in. Hamburger, wheat bread crumbs, a couple eggs, some powdered onion soup mix, Worcestershire sauce, and steak sauce. I bake it in a glass 9 x 13 pan that was handed down from my mom. It's at least 65 years old. I'm careful not to grab the part where the end has chipped. I bake my meat loaf at 350, for about 40-50 minutes, then add ketchup to the top, and put it back in the oven for another 10-15 minutes. I would never expect Hick to be able to do this. Not even with instructions written down.

No. I don't ask Hick to construct a meat loaf. The only thing I expected of him was to cut off a slice for his plate. I'd already made his mashed potatoes, and warmed up some garlic toast. I even had marked off the meat loaf in sections. You'd think wielding a knife to slice through meat loaf would be a job Hick was capable of.

"I've got the meat loaf out of the oven. I plan on us eating it for three nights. So I marked it into thirds. I know you like the end. So you can cut that section in half to get your part. I don't care if you take a little more than half. I'll get mine later."

Everybody knows what a slice of meat loaf looks like, right?

That picture is from several years ago. Not the current meat loaf. I only show it as an example of what a slice of meat loaf looks like. You know, in case you've been living under a rock, shacking up with the Geico caveman. A slice of meat loaf. Like you would get in a diner, a restaurant, or any normal home.

Hick took the knife, and I had to say 

"STOP! What are you doing??? That's not how you cut a meat loaf!"

Pardon me for this next picture. It's the actual meat loaf, but cold, in the battle-scarred glass baking dish that's Val's version of a family heirloom. Just to explain Hick's idea of cutting a meat loaf.

Imagine the other end still being on the meat loaf. You can see my dividing mark for Sunday and Monday suppers. Did Hick make his slice parallel to that cut in the ketchup? No siree, Bob! Hick was trying to make his cut with the KNIFE PERPENDICULAR TO THE DIVIDING LINE!

I just took the knife and cut it myself. Might as well. It seems like where Hick's kitchen skills are concerned, I should take care of every step. How can Hick be so old, and not understand the shape of a serving of meat loaf??? It should NOT be a square!

Hick says he was right about the way he wanted to cut the meat loaf. Because it was in half. And that I only want things done MY way. Well. Maybe he should amend that to my way, and the way everybody else in the world slices meat loaf...

I'm wondering if one of Hick's buddies IS the Geico caveman.

Hick Has 99 Talents and "Lucky Gambler" Ain't One

Hick has no trouble finding ways to spend his "spare" time between flipping houses, stocking and operating his Storage Unit Store, maintaining the apartments at the Senior Center, mowing our 10 acres/Pony's yard/three flip yards, picking up remodeling projects from elderlies, and shooting the bull with his cronies every Friday afternoon.

One of Hick's recent recreational pastimes is stopping by a pawnshop run by one of his buddies. I'm sure it started as a guise for buying merchandise to resell in his stores. Now he goes to the fake slot machines there, to spend a little time and money. I don't mind. We each have our weekly cash allowance. What Hick does with his is not my concern.

These fake slot machines LOOK like regular slots, only not as fancy. They play the same way. I can't imagine how they're legal, but Hick says it's because they have a button that tells you whether the next spin will be a winner. And also it shows what the next jackpot will be, but some regular slots show that as well. In Missouri, the only legal slots are in "riverboat" casinos. Though "riverboat" is a broad determination, with most casinos being stationary on land, which might include several pylons in water.

Anyhoo... these fake slots have been around for several years, and are becoming more and more prevalent. There are two in Save A Lot, and in some gas stations. Now this pawnshop. They are called "gambling machines," and are supposedly legal because they are NOT games of chance. Because you can see if the next spin will be a winner.

Hick says he usually spends $20 when he's there. Hick is not a high roller. He only plays quarter denominations in the casino. These fake slots go from a quarter up to several dollars.

Friday, before Hick met up with The Pony to go get a new phone, he had been playing the fake slot.

"I spent $40, and a lady played it after me, and spent $10. We was talking about it as I left, and my buddy who runs the place said, 'Which machine was it? I'm gonna run back there and play it, heh, heh!' I told him he better not be sending me a picture of him with a big jackpot."

Of course you know where this is leading. Hick indeed got a picture of the guy sitting in front of that fake slot. He had won $800. The text came in while he was in the truck with The Pony. I mentioned it when talking to The Pony on his new phone later that evening.

"OH! So THAT'S why Dad said, 'That asshole!' when he checked his phone."

Heh, heh. No sympathy from me or The Pony, former jackpot winners of $8,600 and $16,633 on REAL slot machines!

Hick has won several times on this fake slot. I think maybe his highest jackpot on it was $80.

"I was bettin' a dollar this time. My buddy said he was bettin' two dollars. I thought he was joking about going to play it. He didn't go in while I was still there. He made sure to send me that picture, just because I told him not to!"

Oh, well. It's entertainment. Anything that keeps Hick off the streets and in the pawnshop is acceptable, I guess.

Another Odd Encounter at the Grocery Store

Friday I got the handicap space next to the cart return at 10Box. Not the closest handicap space. A sedan was parked there, with a lady behind the wheel, talking to someone out the window, with three kids in the back. Not sure why she needed that space for her passenger to be inside shopping, but she DID have a handicap placard hanging from the mirror while she was sitting there socializing, and stayed there when her conversation partner went inside to shop.

I pried a cart loose from the three stacks waiting to be "returned" to the inside cart corral. I used it as my cart/walker to go inside. As I was entering the second set of double doors, a woman came out. She was fifty-something, with bleached blond hair, carrying a bottle of orange drink in her hand. I sure hope she wasn't shoplifting! She did not come from the register area, but from the other side. Maybe she had parked her cart back in the indoor cart corral, and was just carrying out her purchase. Though I don't know why she would need a cart just to buy a drink. Maybe she was a worker without a uniform. Anyhoo... she was in no hurry, and did not seem to be on the lam for a crime.

"Are you going to use that riding cart?"

"No."

"Look here. If you do this..." She took the seatbelt of the child-seat, and grabbed the other end. Looped it through one handle of my purse, which was sitting in the child seat. "If you buckle this, nobody can steal your purse."

"Oh. Thank you. That's a tip I haven't heard before."

Blondie went on out with her bottle of orange drink. I continued into the store. That was a bit presumptuous of her, but I know she meant well. Yes, it could keep somebody from grabbing my purse out of the cart. But it could also keep ME from grabbing the purse out of my cart if somebody decided to run off with the whole cart, knowing I am unable to chase them down. I always keep a hand on my purse handle while I'm pushing the cart. I don't leave my cart unattended to get items off the shelf. I take my purse out and put it on T-Hoe's bumper in front of my body, when I'm loading groceries outside. 

I unbuckled my purse handle when I got inside. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't really want to shop with my purse buckled in. Besides, why should I trust a lady exiting the store, reaching towards my purse? That's why I always keep a hand on the handle.

The Brief Restoration of Val's Faith in Humanity Has Been Revoked

What is wrong with people? Is the end of civilization on the horizon? Just when I thought kindness was enjoying a resurgence, chaos reared its entitled head again.

Thursday is my errand day. I put gas in T-Hoe, go to the bank, do a little shopping, and get my usual scratchers. Usually without incident.

At the Sis-Town Casey's, I went inside to pre-pay for T-Hoe's gas. Two teenagers were completing their soda purchase. A 20-something woman was swaying back and forth while giving them a wide berth in line. Then I was next. The teens finished and stepped aside, talking loudly as teens do. I have no issue with them. Swayer stepped up to pay, using a card. Two people got in line behind me. The cashier stepped over to the other register, and said she could help me. 

A random 40-something gal walked across in front of me. She started to put her stuff on the counter of that second register, then looked back and saw my face. I'm pretty sure it showed displeasure.

"Oh. I just want somewhere to set this down." 40s Gal put four mini bottles of liquor on the counter, then scooted aside. 

I stepped up to make my transaction. You wouldn't think four mini bottles of liquor would be too awkward or heavy to hold in line, would you? They're airline size bottles. Not magnums of champagne. Did 40s Gal think she was going to jump line? It was probably more than just my expression that swayed her. Most likely the mob forming behind me.

At the bank, the teller at not-my window was trying to make small talk with a bald guy who got out of a black dually pickup truck. I guess he was depositing cash. "Oh! How did you know I needed some fifties?" The guy was having none of it. He grumpily replied, "I didn't." Just go along with it, buddy. No need to be a horse's rumpus. No matter how she cheerily tried to engage him, he was a grouch.

At the grocery store, the guy ahead of me only had a gallon of milk. He was paying with a card. It cost four dollars and change. As he was tapping in his info, he hatefully declared, "NO! I DON'T want cash back!" The young cashier was befuddled. "Um. Okay..." he said. When that guy left, he turned to me and asked how I was doing. Then he said, "That guy was something."

"Yeah. Maybe something happened. Maybe he was having a bad day."

"I guess. How do you respond to that? 'I'm sorry?' I can't help what the card scanner shows everybody!"

After I left the Gas Station Chicken Store, I was sitting at the stoplight, waiting to go straight across to the pharmacy. Two cars in cross traffic ran the red light. And they were behind a county sheriff's vehicle that just made a left turn. I guess they were feeling safe that it wouldn't see them and turn around for pursuit. A guy across the intersection from me also ran the red light. I know, because I had the green arrow when he nosed his pickup pulling a long trailer holding a backhoe into the intersection while I had a green arrow.

I guess we have entered an era that might just as well be called Do As You Please. Few people exhibit common courtesy these days. Or follow the laws of the road.

Maybe I'm just cranky, because at the store I had a cart with a bad wheel AND a sticky handle.

Val Has Sympathy. Hick, Not so Much.

You may recall the rift between Hick and a denizen of the place where he used to go every day for lunch. Lately, he's been making it there a couple times a week. Also, he works upstairs now! He doesn't have to be on-site for any specific hours. Just be available to take care of any problems, and collect the rent every month.

Monday evening, Hick had some news.

"Denizen can't work at the Senior Center anymore! The gal in charge said she had to let her go. Told her she couldn't do bingo, and couldn't sit up front answering the phone. The GiC said there were too many complaints. That she was in a craft store over the weekend, and a couple came up to her and said they missed having lunch at the Senior Center, but they won't come back if Denizen is there."

"Was she mean to them?"

"Apparently. GiC had a talk with Denizen, and said there were just too many complaints. She's tried to tell her before, but Denizen only changes when GiC is around. That's why she thought Denizen was doing better. But she's been getting more complaints. So she had to let her go."

"Is Denizan paid for working there?"

"No. She's a volunteer. But she got a job recently as a hostess at a restaurant over in Bill-Paying Town. Of all the people to be a hostess! I asked GiC if Denizen blamed me. And she said no, in fact she blamed everybody else but me!"

"Can she still eat lunch there?"

"Yeah. She just can't work. I doubt she'll ever come back. Probably her and her husband will quit coming."

Welp! Tuesday, Hick said Denizen had been at the Senior Center eating lunch.

"Was she nice to you?"

"No! She was nice to everybody else but me. All smiley and friendly."

"What does her husband do?"

"He actually works there. But she's not allowed back in the kitchen anymore. So she can't go back there and talk to him or anybody."

"Well. This is sad. You know she loved doing that stuff. It's part of who she is. She will miss it a lot. It makes me sad."

"Ain't no reason to feel sorry for her. She brought it on herself, being a busybody. She didn't have to gossip about people, or be mean to them."

"Still. I feel bad for her."

Not Hick. Not a bit. Somehow, he's still in Denizen's doghouse.

Hick Makes a Discovery

Remember the cabinets Hick wanted to get for Bargain House? The cabinets he found on Facebook, for $500, being sold by a woman down in Genius's College Town? There's been a new development. You may recall that Hick was planning to go get them on Monday, but Saturday night he changed his mind when the woman asked for a $100 deposit.

Monday night, Hick was fiddling with his phone after supper. 

"Huh. Remember them cabinets? NOW this gal has them listed again, in St. Louis!"

"The same cabinets?"

"Yeah. She's got the same picture. Asking $500."

"Does she mention a deposit?"

"Nope. She's scamming. I knew it!"

"Does she mention how they're worth $7,000 to $14,000 and have a granite countertop?"

"Nope. Just the cabinets for $500."

"That's to lure people in! Then she'll give them an address. Then she'll ask for a deposit, and say how they're worth so much. Once she gets the deposit, she'll probably say she got a better offer, and sold them."

"Yeah. And good luck getting back the $100 deposit!"

Huh. What a coincidence that the same woman has "another" set of cabinets to sell for $500, but in a different city. Or else she hauled her used countertops up I-44 for two hours to sell them in St. Louis.

Hick is a savvy buyer. It was that woman's weather response that tipped him off.

Val Is Willing to Call the Front Bedroom of Bargain House Pretty Much DONE

When we last virtually toured Hick's Bargain House bedroom work on Thursday, he declared the windows done. I begged to differ. On Monday, when Hick and Old Buddy finished up, around noon, I could see a finished bedroom. Only minor tweaks, and that room is move-in ready.

The side window and front window are definitely trimmed-out. All I see is a need for the face plates on the electrical outlets, and trim boards along the ceiling.

I don't think I showed you the closet Hick built in the corner, after taking the original closet to use for the new bathroom.

It's not a big closet, but it IS a closet. Better than not having a closet at all. Now it looks pretty good in the finished bedroom.

The closet (on the left) is finished now. The walls painted. There's the door to the living room in the middle. And the door to the new bathroom on the right. The trim boards look nice, almost all done. The floor just needs a quick mopping to make this room fit for occupancy. And a light fixture.

I'm not sure which room Hick will tackle next. 

Val Will Not Be Mean-Mugged into Sumission

Just when you think all your Gas Station Chicken Store problems are solved, gliding into the empty lone handicap space at the side of the building... you enter, and discover they are not.

Friday I entered the store and saw only two customers ahead of me. They were together, man and woman. I heard ice clickety-clacking into a styrofoam cup at the soda fountain, but could not see down that aisle as to the identity of the customer. I stood behind the couple, waiting to cash in my scratchers.

The Man was like a kid in a candy store. Peering down into the glass ticket case. "Um. Uh. Give me a number 15." [Oh, no! I wanted one of those!] "And I guess a 13." [No! Another of mine!] 

He picked a couple more that didn't interest me. They put them and his gas and two sodas on his debit card. That takes forever with their old-fashioned scan thingy they slide out on a wire. Finally they were done. 

As I stepped up to hand Fave (my favorite cashier) my winners, I saw a grouchy gray-haired lady to my left. She had been out of sight down the soda fountain aisle. She was holding a 44 oz soda, glaring at me. Normally, I would be polite, and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there. Were you here before I came in?" But this time I didn't. I KNEW she was still getting her soda when I was in line. I HEARD the ice. And after the ice comes the soda. Then the lid and straw. I was well-ensconced in my place in line while she was still 'shopping' for her soda!

I stepped up and did my lottery business. A more polite countenance, and I might have let her go ahead of me. I do that, you know, if it looks like somebody only needs a short transaction. It most often comes back to bite me in my ample rumpus, with people using their card for gas, or asking for chewing tobacco off the shelf, or a carton of obscure cigarettes.

Anyhoo... I'm not giving up my rightful place in line for a GROUCH!

Maybe I should have. Maybe she would have bought tickets ahead of me. I only won $5 that day. Less than I spent. I figure the Man ahead of me got my winners.

Val STILL Couldn't Outrun Hick, Even IF He Was Trying to Kill Her

Hick took a tumble earlier this week, over at Bargain House.

"I went out the front door to meet Old Buddy. He had some stuff to unload. I was looking out at the street while I was walking. The sidewalk is flat, then steps up and is flat again, then it steps up a third time. I didn't know I was at a step, and caught my feet on it. I fell right on my knees!"

Of course Hick didn't tell me about it for a day or two. I noticed he was hobbling a little. And groaning more than usual when his feet hurt.

"I think I mighta broke my kneecap!"

"I don't think so. I doubt you could walk if you broke your kneecap. A broken bone hurts all the time. It doesn't come and go. And if you bump another bone connected to it, you feel the pain at the break. It's called referred pain. It's actually a way to test for a broken bone. Tap on another bone."

"The first day after it, I was working on my knees, putting in floor trim. It hurt. But now I can't even get on my knees. I feel a tingle."

"I don't know what that could be. A nerve? Nerves tingle. Like your funny bone, the ulnar nerve in your elbow. Maybe there's swelling in your knee, pressing on a nerve, because you hurt it and then were kneeling on it, making it worse."

"I don't know. It feels like it has a hole in it! But it's not swollen." Hick pulled up his jeans. "Here. On the outer side."

"Well. I don't know why it would feel like hole. Unless it's a place not swollen. I guess you could have chipped the kneecap, but your pain doesn't sound like that. Maybe you injured the bursa."

"I only have one bursa. I think it's in the other knee, but I don't remember."

"Huh. That's odd."

"It's what they told me when I had my knees operated on."

"You might want to see a doctor if it keeps hurting."

"I've been puttin' that Voltaren on it, that they gave me for my feet."

When I told The Pony, he was worried.

"Now I'm worried about DAD. Please tell me at least he's going to a doctor about it!"

"Well. He hasn't mentioned that. He thinks he broke something, but I say he couldn't walk if he did."

"Um. We are THAT family who doesn't go to the doctor, and tries to ignore things that are wrong. If you remember, I was going to walk back to my LLV [Long Life Vehicle] when I was sitting on the sidewalk with a broken ankle. Then that neighbor drove me back to wait on my supervisor."

Yes. I DO remember that. As for Hick, he's still getting around better than I am.

Bargain House Solo Work

Hick was on his own at Bargain House on Thursday. Old Buddy called in sick, so Hick worked on things he could do alone. He sent me pictures, because he thrives on VALidation!

"Windows trimmed in front bedroom"

As with most of Hick's communications, I was at first puzzled. The windows didn't look trimmed to me! Just like when Hick said the bathroom was done, but it still needed trim board, a shower door, and the water hooked up.

Am I the only person who thinks this doesn't look like a "trimmed" window? This is the window that looks out at the side neighbor's house. I can see there has been work done on it. But trimmed? I don't think so!

I questioned Hick when he got home. He said he meant to take pictures BEFORE he started, but he forgot. This window was partially done when he remembered.

THIS is what I would call a trimmed window. It's on the front of Bargain House, looking across the street. Hick said both windows are the ones originally in the house, so he didn't have to buy any, just trim them. He also said that he finished both windows, and painted the walls white. So the front bedroom is almost done.

Hick also said that there is a problem with the kitchen window that will have to be addressed. Heh, heh. He didn't say addressed. I think he might have said dealt with.

"There's a black line in it. It's a double-paned window, and some of the foam has leaked out and expanded. I'll ask my buddy who does windows if there's some way he can fix it. He might know what to do. It will be cheaper than buying a whole new window, but we might have to do that."

Because he's not busy enough, Hick has agreed to paint a house. Somebody at the Senior Center asked him to paint her mom's house for a Mother's Day gift. But she wants it to be a secret. A surprise.

"I told her I'd do it. But I'm not sure how I'm going to keep it a secret!" 

I guess Hick needs to address that issue with the gift-giver! Short of taking her mom out for the day, and then driving up to a painted house, I'm not sure how they will pull that off.

Small Town Politics, a Hornet's Nest Hick Wants to Stir

Hick's mouth is wanting to write checks that his rumpus can't cash!

You may recall that Hick has taken a job overseeing the maintenance of the apartments for the elderlies who live above the Senior Center. Somebody told him he must be doing something right, because the resident elderlies have been speaking highly of him. Mainly because he's doing SOMETHING.

Of course these accolades are not enough for Hick. He wants to get to the bottom of things he sees as questionable. Nothing that concerns the welfare of the elderlies. Just the way things are run.

"I noticed that the city owns the building, but the Senior Center pays for the insurance. But the beneficiary on the insurance is the city!"

That sounds odd, but I'm sure there are probably state or federal grants involved that might have something to do with that set-up.

"Oh, and the Senior Center is supposed to pay for having that strip of grass there mowed. But the city owns the property. At our next meeting, I want to ask them about that. It's a meeting for us who work there, and people on a board. The city administrator comes. If grass gets too high at a house in the city, the owner gets a notice to clean it up, or gets a fine. I want to ask the city administrator what happens if the Senior Center doesn't have money to get the grass mowed? Is the city going to send itself a letter to clean it up? And if they don't, is the city going to fine itself?"

"You need to watch it. My sister's husband hasn't been the mayor for a while now. You're going to make enemies in city government, and they'll give you a hard time from then on."

"Heh, heh! They might fire me from my new job!"

"They might..."

"Oh, well. I just want to know how they can justify the insurance and the mowing, when it's THEIR property, but we're supposed to pay. One of my buddies says he thinks we only pay liability insurance. So I could understand that."

I really hope Hick does not bring up these issues at their meeting. A job is a temporary thing, but enemies are forever. The Pony's house is in that city. It's still in our name.

Val Resists the Call of the Scratchers

I hope the local economy does not collapse. Val is sitting her ample rumpus at home on Wednesday, rather than going to town for scratchers! Hopefully this won't result in convenience store clerks being laid off, or lottery machines being repossessed.

I also missed a grocery-shopping trip with The Pony. He came out to pick up his laptop mouse that he'd forgotten on Sunday. I would have dropped it off if I went to pick him up for shopping. But those plans changed. WHY???

It's tax time.

I spent the morning working on taxes. Yes. I do my own, with the assistance of TurboTax. It's still time-consuming. Those fields aren't going to autofill themselves! It's pretty much common sense. Just answer the questions, and type in details from W-2s and 1099s of various kinds like RET, INT, DIV, etc. We had seven different 1099s, and social security info, and that darn Hick had the NERVE to get a W-2 for working twice at the election! Still, that was the easiest part. I've yet to get to the sale of our QuickFlip house, and Hick's business.

Have you started serenading me with the world's smallest violin yet? I can't quite hear. The wind is whipping around with 51 mph gusts, and sustained wind at 27 mph. Another reason I am not itching to go get scratchers. Also, it's my TV night from 7:00 to 10:00. Can't miss Survivor or The Amazing Race. That's how I learn world geography, you know!

I'm pretty sure that on Thursday, I will be ready to get out. The taxes still won't be completely done, but the easy parts will.

Hick Has a Nose for Business

Hick the Bargain Magnet found some cabinets for Bargain House, our latest flip. He was talking about them on Saturday morning before leaving for his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5).

"I found cabinets for the house. They're down in Genius's college town. I had told the lady I'll take them, but I had a question about whether the countertop comes with them. And a time to go pick them up. She never got back to me last night."

"Well, I'm not surprised, with all those tornadoes last night. One hit College Town! They had a nail salon owner on there, asking for help moving her stuff. The whole building was destroyed. It hit some chain store, too. Pictures on the news. So that cabinet lady probably had more important things to worry about besides your cabinets."

"Huh. I wonder if they got destroyed!"

"I wasn't even thinking about THAT. Only that if might be hard to get around in town during the cleanup, and she might be without electricity. You don't need to be going down there this weekend."

"Yeah. If she ever gets back to me, I'll tell her Monday."

"How much are the cabinets?"

"They're $500."

"How much would they be worth new? In a store?"

"A lot! Anywhere from $7,000 to $10,000. The countertop is granite. They're nice cabinets."

"How much would new cabinets be here at a store?"

"If I got the cheap particle board cabinets, about $2,500."

When Hick got home Saturday evening, the woman sent him a text.

"Huh. I told her I could get there Monday if she gives me a time. I said I hoped she survived the storm okay, and she said everything was fine, they just got rain and a little wind."

"That's weird."

"Yeah. And then she said she hopes the cabinets are still here if I wait until Monday, that they're taking a $100 deposit to hold them. She never mentioned any deposit before!"

"Maybe she has somebody who offered her more."

"I'm wondering if she's a scammer. I told her I don't pay nobody no money up front! Maybe the cabinets got damaged. Or maybe she don't even live there in College Town. She said she's going to list them as "contingent" on her page. I just looked at it, and it says 'These cabinets are worth $7,000 to $14,000, and we will take offers.' So now she's changed it."

"That does sound fishy. I'd say forget it! Other cabinets will come along."

"Yeah. I don't want nothin' to do with that deal now."

Hick Heroes On

We had planned all week to grill on Sunday evening. The stormy weather would be gone by Saturday morning. Hick and The Pony both work on Saturdays, but Sunday is The Pony's day off. Hick said he would leave his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) by 3:00. We told him there was no need to leave that early. He could stay until his regular time of 5:00 if he wanted.

Hick came home around 4:25. We told him to wear his coat and gloves while tending GassyG Jr. The 80-degree temperatures had dropped to the low 50s for Sunday. The wind was chilly. Hick grilled the New York Strip steaks, the pepper steaks, and 12 sausage patties. The Pony and I don't have to cook for a few days, heh, heh!

Hick had the meat ready in 30 minutes. The Pony and I made a few sides. Nothing elaborate this time, just The Pony's favorites that are simple. 

Hick chose a sausage patty (sorry, I refuse to call that a bratwurst, despite the labeling of Save A Lot), a pepper steak, slaw, Sister Schubert's rolls, a giant baked potato, and stuffing.

My plate looked a little different. I'm not a finicky eater. I just pick the foods I really want. When I bit into my sausage patty, I told Hick it didn't look done enough. You can't play around with pork! Hick swore it was fine, but he got up and took my sausage to the microwave for a few seconds. It was fantastic! My hero came through again. Don't you go worrying that Val didn't get enough to eat!

I chose to squander my caloric budget on salad! It probably has more calories than Hick's entire plate, heh, heh. But that's what I wanted. I used iceberg lettuce this time. With shredded cheddar, a diced boiled egg, cherry tomatoes, fried onion crisps, and blue cheese dressing.

The Pony had a giant baked potato with a stick of Kerrygold! Almost, anyway. The Pony is a Butterton! That's a sausage patty that he desecrated with ketchup! And some stuffing, rolls, and a pepper steak.

The Pony also had a salad. Our tastes differ. The Pony used a bag salad, Italian Blend. With shredded cheddar, diced boiled egg, and red onion. With extra onion on the side! This is before The Pony applied his Creamy Caesar dressing.

I forgot to take a picture of the desserts, but they were just store-bought cookies and brownies. Caramel pecan cookies, chocolate chunk cookies, and cookies-and-cream topped brownies. Yes. There was a certain theme...

Anyhoo... The Pony went home with a NY Strip, four sausage patties, buns, rolls, stuffing, and all three desserts. I did save four cookies for Hick, and two for me.

I'm looking forward to leftovers.

Val Is Annoyed With Save-A-Lot Brats

I like to buy our meat at Save A Lot. Especially when Hick plans to grill. They have their own butcher. It's way better than Walmart meat, and usually better than 10Box. Much less expensive than Country Mart. So I braved the 50 mph winds on Friday, to make sure I didn't have to fight for the handicap parking space on a weekend.

My goal was to pick up some steaks for Hick and The Pony, and some bratwursts for all of us. Save A Lot makes their own. None of that prepackaged stuff. We like the plain version, but they always have other kinds as well, such as cheddar, jalapeno, and the hard-to-find apple.

The bread and buns are just inside the door, along the front wall as you go in and start toward the produce section to the right. I grabbed two packs of hot dog buns. I really like their store brand. Not dry and crumbly like some of the brand names. The meat section is along the back wall. 

I found some nice New York Strip steaks for Hick and The Pony:

They DO love their steaks! Something else caught my eye. At first I thought they might be filet mignon, a favorite of Hick. Upon closer inspection, I read the label and discovered they were pepper steaks:

They looked pretty good, and I could include them in the 5-for-$25 deal when I got the bratwursts. We always send home leftovers with The Pony, and it's easy to toss a pack in the freezer for Hick to grill for us another day. No need to let a deal go to waste.

Imagine my dismay when I got down to the pork section of the cooler and found NO BRATWURSTS! Well. What I found were LABELED as brats. But they were NOT BRATS!

What in the NOT-HEAVEN? I suppose somebody forgot to order the sausage casings this week! I've bought these sausage patties there before, and we've grilled them. They're good. But they are NOT BRATS! Still, I needed something tasty for us to grill. So I got four packs. Two of these plain versions, and two of the BBQ flavor I hadn't seen before.

Of course this meant I had to go back up front, past the registers, to put back the hot dog buns and get hamburger buns. So clever, aren't they, trying to make you buy something you don't need by forcing your bread selection before the meat! I paraded right past the registers, over past the door, wishing an employee would rush me for shoplifting! Nope. I guess they figured I still wouldn't be to my car by the time police arrived, heh, heh. I pushed on to the bread and picked my buns. Then back around to pay.

I'm really annoyed by those Save A Lot brats.

Val Serves Hick a Cold Dish That Has Nothing to do With Revenge

Hick is back to being Val's knight in tarnished armor. He'd better enjoy the status while he can!

Friday was windy, windy, windy! I needed to go to town for groceries before the weekend crowds. The Pony is coming out Sunday, and Hick is going to grill steaks and bratwurst. I knew a big storm was coming later in the evening. Big, because it was going to be violent, but not long-lasting.

I got the best handicap parking space at Save A Lot, next to the cart return, where nobody could park too close and block T-Hoe's door. It was a chore getting inside, even clinging to a cart/walker, because those winds were gusting at 50+ mph. Normally, I would have stayed home. But I needed the meat from Save A Lot, which has limited parking on a weekday. Weekends are not made for Val's Save A Lot shopping! Turns out there was an issue I had not anticipated, but that's a story for another day...

I bought the groceries, putting the meat in a box that the employees so kindly pile up front under the bagging counter. We have a new dog who does not respect my grocery bags when I place them on a chair on the side porch. No way was I going to tempt her with bags of steak and brats! I can't carry groceries up the steps. It's hard enough dragging myself onto the porch. I knew Hick wouldn't be home. Friday is his day to shoot the bull with his cronies until 5:00. I wanted to be home before then, when the winds were going to pick up.

While in town, sirens were going off everywhere. Not like a tornado siren. First responder sirens. Police. Ambulance. Fire department. Probably four different incidents during the hour I was there. I didn't see smoke, so I figured the wind must be causing problems. On the way in, I had seen five different areas with fallen limbs on the road. Good thing they were small. That's my biggest fear from the wind, having a big one fall on me in T-Hoe.

I got the groceries into the house with minimal yelling at the dog. I see that as progress. Hick had sent me a warning just before I left for town, telling me to be careful of the wind blowing T-Hoe's door shut on my legs. I made sure I parked facing down at the Gas Station Chicken Store, so the wind kept that door open, though making it hard for me to close. Val may not know world geography, but she knows north, south, east, and west, and the direction a storm comes from!

With the upcoming BBQ, I was not planning to cook on Friday and Saturday night. Any excuse is good enough for me! I'd bought some deli fried chicken on Thursday at Country Mart. Hick was having that with mashed potatoes and bread/butter. Yes. I offered him salad. He declined.

We discussed the forecast. The violent weather was supposed to reach our area between 10:00 and 11:00 p.m. Then be gone. 

"I'm going out to check my new generator and make sure it works. Just in case we lose power."

Hick got this generator from a guy for $350. He spent his own money on it, but is being reimbursed by our household funds paying the two electric bills for his SUS2 and SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Stores) until it is recouped. He has $42.42 left.

Anyhoo... I had just sat down with my scratchers when Hick got home around 5:15. I told him when I got to a stopping place, I'd get his supper ready. I can't stop in the middle of a crossword ticket, because I forget how many words I've uncovered. It takes 15-20 minutes per crossword. That's why I like those scratchers. They take a while.

"It's probably going to be around quarter to six. It won't take long to warm up the chicken. And the mashed potatoes only take 1 minute after the water boils." (Hick likes his instant mashed potatoes. Roasted Garlic flavor.)

Indeed, at 5:45 I turned to holler and ask Hick if he wanted me to set out the Hawaiian Bread, or the Brioche. He didn't care. Turns out he got Brioche, my executive decision, because of the use-by dates. However, before I could stand up to turn on the oven, 

OUR POWER WENT OFF!

"Dang it! There goes your supper! I guess you can eat cold chicken, but no mashed potatoes. Oh, no! I don't want all that meat to go bad! I just bought it!"

"Maybe they'll get it back on pretty soon."

"You know they won't! We're always end of the line. 59 people aren't that important."

"It could be anywhere between here and town. Maybe more than just us."

"Did you call them?"

"No. Somebody will."

"Unless they all think somebody else will!"

"Val. That's what smart meters are for. They tell them when and where the outage is."

"Smart meters are to control our energy usage!"

"Yeah, that's probably right, according to my buddies. They're like you. But still, they'll know where the outage is."

"I'll get your chicken, and your bread and butter. At least you can still see to eat now. And I can probably scratch another ticket or two. It'll be dark in an hour. I need to find my little flashlight. I can't flush, right, except for once? And I can't get water? I'm going to fill my water bottle up with ice right now."

"After I eat, I'll go turn on the generator. So you can have lights and your computer and TV. It'll run the refrigerator and the well pump. But you can't use the stove or microwave, and you can't do laundry, and it won't run the air conditioner or furnace or water heater."

"Okay. All I need is lights and flushing and water and my computer and TV!"

After supper, Hick fired up the generator. He had gotten gas for it a few days earlier. The dogs barked at it, but the lights and my vital necessities came on. I'm so glad Hick bought that generator. The old one has needed the carburetor rebuilt for several years now. Something Hick CAN do, if he wants to. It was pretty old. All four tires on it had dry-rotted. So it was harder to move from the garage to the porch.

We got a lot of use out of that old generator. Genius was around 10 when he was helping Hick turn off the main breaker, then turn on the breakers that we could use off the generator power. The Pony is not good with stuff like that, but Genius and Hick were a good team at restoring partial power.

We got an email from the electric company that 327 customers were without power because of damage from a tree. The expected restore time was 7:30. At 6:45, we got another notice that it was back on. So Hick went out and turned off the generator. Came back and tried the main breaker. Yes! Our electricity was restored! I'm sure Hick missed having Genius here, to do one or the other tasks, while I stood in the door, hollering when to try the power. Ahh... good times.

We were very lucky to get our power back so quickly. It meant we could watch the news to see the storm track. We were also lucky that the temperature was in the 70s, and we didn't need heat or AC. We were extremely lucky that the storm missed us to the north by about 20 miles, and that another missed us to the south by about 10 miles. The Pony was also in that safe swath. I'm so glad we got that tree down that was beside his house when we bought it. Several tornadoes went through with those storms. Turned over semi trucks, took off roofs, tore down power lines, collapsed brick walls. We were exceedingly lucky to be in that sweet spot, with only a brief power outage.

For a few days, Hick will be my hero!

Hick Needs to Cool His Wheels

You may recall that Hick didn't have enough to keep himself busy, and screwed a giant wagon wheel to the corner of our front porch.

I am not a fan of this look. Hick can't get enough wheels! He paid $60 for this one. Old Buddy found Hick a deal on MORE wheels. Five for $50. They also came with some kind of fountain/statue that Hick says is over at the BARn, because he couldn't turn down this deal. Old Buddy somehow fit all this into his CAR. Thanks so much, Old Buddy.

Monday, Hick further "hoardered" our porch with these other wheels.

Here are three of the new ones. They're not even the same size as the original. They're not all the same color. I really don't like these wheels. They make the porch look even more junky.

There's another wheel down at the far corner. Let the record show that I also dislike this white picket fence that Hick put in years ago. It means you can't just walk out into the yard from the front sidewalk. Even the dogs are inconvenienced by it. Nevermind that it does not go with the style of the cedar house.

I suppose the only thing working in my favor is that very few people pass in front of our hillbilly mansion, and they already know how Hick likes his junk.

The Pony Has a Heart

The weather has been heating up, making for better working conditions on The Pony's mail route. In fact, it's been a little warmer than he prefers. Still, walking around in the sunshine is better than traipsing through wind and rain and snow and ice.

I was still in town Tuesday evening when The Pony sent a text:

"Off work and roasting in my own skin now."

"I know! I'm frying at 10Box."

"My head hurts too! Lemme know when you're home and I'll tell you why - it's just a weird story, not me getting hurt."

Well. My heart descended from my throat upon reading the end of that text. When I got home, I called The Pony to find out about his head "injury."

"Oh, you didn't have to call. I'll send you a picture."

"A customer left this for me today."

"It's a sticker and a crocheted heart. It must have been soaked with perfume, or the person who made it wears a lot of perfume. The smell permeated the whole truck while I finished my route. That's what gave me the headache, since I can't deal with perfume or cologne. It was weird, but a nice thought."

Yes. I'm sure you all have horror stories about mail delivery. I can't figure out why my phone bill is mailed on the first of the month, and I get it on the 12th, with it due on the 22nd. I'm pretty sure it's a processing issue with the phone company, and some of the larger mailing hubs. I also know there are some bad apples in every type of job, ne'er-do-wells and don't-care-to-do-wells. But most of the carriers and clerks actually try to do their best for the customers.

A little sign of appreciation can make their day.

Bargain House Bathroom 2 Nears Completion

The second bathroom that Hick is adding to Bargain House is almost finished. Hick sent me a picture on Wednesday. He says "Done but painting trim." You have to be a little psychic when reading communications from Hick! Is it done? If so, why would he be painting trim? That would point to the bathroom NOT being done. I think Hick means it is done, EXCEPT FOR painting the trim.

This bathroom is turning out better than I expected. It looks to me like it might still need a little bit more than painting the trim. Like it still needs trim along the floor. And a face plate for the electrical outlet over the sink. And the handle on the shower faucet. And a shower head. And a door for the shower. And a good cleanup. Oh, and the water isn't hooked up to this bathroom yet.

But yeah, I suppose compared to when this area used to be a closet off the bedroom... 

THIS BATHROOM IS DONE!

Almost, anyway.

Val Tries to Help Herself

You may recall that T-Hoe has a limp. A tire that loses air. Hick took T-Hoe to the BARn a few days ago, and used his compressor to fill all four tires with 36 pounds of air. It's supposed to be 35, but when I looked at the two working tire sensors, they said 36.

T-Hoe's left front tire has been losing two pounds of air a day. While I was in town on Monday, I decided I would try to put some air in myself, at the Gas Station Chicken Store's FREE AIR hose. Val planned. The Universe laughed.

I was thrilled to see the lone handicap parking space open, so I hurriedly parked there and went in for my scratchers, lest some ne'er-do-well choose to take that space while I was pumping free air. I figured I could pull forward into the FREE AIR space when I came out with my tickets.

"Au contraire, you silly silly woman with gray lovely-lady-mullet hair!" said The Universe. 

The moment I hoisted myself into T-Hoe's driver's seat, a 4-wheeler came up the back alley, and parked all cattywompus in the FREE AIR space. Well. How long could it take to air up four tires on a 4-wheeler? It's not like there's a large area to walk around to get to each tire. So I wrote on the back of my scratchers, and waited for the 4-wheeler to leave. It did... 

Just as a white SUV came looping around from the back alley, as if unsure of where to park. I glanced to see if it had a handicap plate or placard, because maybe they wanted MY parking space, and I could just pull forward. But no. No handicap designation, AND that white SUV pulled sideways into the FREE AIR space. A man got out. Then the white SUV drove back into the alley. Did an awkward too-many-point turn, and came back down into the FREE AIR space, facing me. The guy got the air hose. 

I gave up. Went over to Casey's for some crossword scratchers. Got into a game of chicken, totally unwanted, with a pickup pulling a trailer who decided to leave the gas pumps WHILE I was already backing up T-Hoe. So I pulled forward again into my parking space, waiting for it to get out of the way. Yet that driver decided to also wait. That meant I had to rassenfrass at him, and turn T-Hoe off completely, and just sit and wait until he went away. 

Then I backed out, took the shortcut over the moat along the back alley, to get my FREE AIR again. Huh. That RumpusHole in the White F250 was there in the handicap space, with a copper-colored PT Cruiser parked beside it in the driving lane. No handicap marking on either, of course. Just an entitled guy and a road-blocker.

I was able to pull T-Hoe in nose-first toward the big dumpster, sideways across the FREE AIR space. I got out to a very tangled air hose. Of course the valve on that tire I needed was on the bottom. I stood on my head to put in air. Couldn't tell how much was going in, but gave it two tries.

When I got back in after hanging up the air hose, I saw that I'd put in exactly six pounds of air. Just right! After this ultimately successful effort, I've decided that Hick needs to get that tire repaired BEFORE FRIDAY! Because if not, I'll be stuck doing this until next week.

Surely Hick can fit my need into his busy schedule...

There Oughta Be a Law. Oh, Wait!

During the frigid temperatures last month, on February 17, I was dismayed to pull onto the parking lot at the Gas Station Chicken Store, and find THIS in my rightful handicap space:

Let the record show that Val was NOT happy! Perhaps "fuming mad" would be the best description. Temps in the teens, windy, and my knees were particularly creaky that day. I did not want to walk an extra inch. Yet here was this truck in MY space! No handicap plate (there's a reason I blanked out the numbers), no handicap placard.

I waited. And waited. Still, it was better than hobbling along in the frigid wind. The longer I waited, the more incensed I became. This driver didn't even park in the space right!

That is what my fellow residents and my old townhouse complex where I met Hick would have called a "Sanford truck." In fact, Hick had an old truck with a similar paint job, and when he'd pick up young HOS (Hick's Oldest Son) and The (Little Future) Veteran for the weekend, residents hanging out at the pool would shout in unison, "Here comes Sanford and sons!" That's kind of an insult, and I don't mean for Hick. Fred Sanford's truck was in much better shape than Hick's, and the truck in the picture!

Anyhoo... the driver of that truck finally emerged, carrying a 32 oz fountain soda in one hand, and a CANE in the other!

Never mind. I figure he needed that parking space. I took it when he left.

The Freebie King Rakes in More Jewels

Because he doesn't have enough projects to keep himself busy, Hick recently accepted a job at the Senior Center. Not so much the center itself, but with the housing agency where the lunchroom is located. The other guy retired, and Hick applied. The job involves collecting rent from the elderlies who live there, and taking care of any maintenance issues. It has no required hours to be onsite.

Hick talked to the guy who was retiring. Found out the procedures of where to turn in the rent money, and the contractors used to do maintenance work if Hick cannot solve the problems. He spent a little time after lunch one day, going through the office. 

Hick found a check in the drawer from two years ago! He asked a lady who works at the Senior Center what he should do about it. She said that since it was two years old, it would be unfair to deposit that check. Besides, that elderly lady no longer lived in the apartments. Nope she didn't get kicked out for not paying rent!!! Anyhoo... Hick destroyed the check as the worker suggested.

In cleaning up the office, Hick found five pouches that seemed to have been meant as gifts to give out to the residents or seniors who lunch there. He asked that same worker what he should do with them. She said he might as well keep them. Not a big deal. They had no plans for giving them out now.

The five pouches were identical, though the contents were not. Maybe the other guy had taken out some things that he could use. They all had a pair of white crew socks. Hick was thrilled with the socks! 

"I think they might be actual diabetic socks. They are really comfortable!"

Some pouches were missing the toothbrush, or the toothpaste. Doesn't matter to Hick. I told him he could probably sell those pouches at his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5) if he had any women customers. They look like makeup pouches. It's not that they're expensive. If Hick sells them for 50 cents, he would be happy. It's just a draw to get women into his SUS2.5.

Anyhoo... Hick has at least gotten five free pairs of new socks from this endeavor. 

Please Do Not Startle the Elderlies

I came out of 10Box on Saturday afternoon with five bags of groceries. Since Hick is a master of avoiding "carrying in" duties, I pre-emptively put them on the passenger seat of T-Hoe. It's closer, and I don't have to worry about closing the garage door, and T-Hoe's rear hatch, while having grocery bags draped over both arms.

I had a handicap parking space near the cart return garage door on the front of the building. After loading my groceries in T-Hoe, I turned to push the cart back up on the sidewalk.

"I'LL TAKE THAT FOR YOU!"

What in the Not-Heaven??? I almost jumped out of my skin! A guy had flung open the driver's door of a red sedan parked next to T-Hoe. I didn't even know anybody was in that car. 

"OH! You SCARED me!"

"I thought you were looking right at me. I'll take your cart. I figured I needed to get out before you parked it back in front of the building."

"Thank you so much. I was just startled."

Helpful Guy was probably late 20s. He was still talking on his phone to somebody, telling them that he was at one of his favorite stores, and going in to shop.

It's nice to help out the elderlies by taking their cart from them. It's problematic to terrorize them with stealth tactics...

T-Hoe Has a Limp

Like driver, like auto. Not only is Val struggling to hobble around these days, but T-Hoe has caught her affliction! It creeps up on you, I say. One day you're walking just fine, maybe a little soreness in the knee joint, and then all at once, it's 15 years later, and you can barely make it across the kitchen without leaning on the cutting block.

T-Hoe is getting old(er). He's a 2008 model. Heh, heh! He coulda been a model! So sleek and shiny black and classy in his heyday, I could imagine him gracing the cover of a junk mail advertisement. Now, T-Hoe is looking a bit worse for wear, and responding as though he's been drove hard and put away wet. Which he has...

The backup sensor hasn't worked for many years. The seat heaters are kaput, first the passenger side, then the butt part for the driver, then the back. Some plastic molding is peeling off the front passenger door. There's a short in the electronics that sometimes makes the radio not come on when starting up after a stop in town. Eventually it comes back. Maybe three or four minutes after driving. Just a couple weeks ago, the heater started doing the same thing!!! It's the blower, not the actual heat-providing part. The fan won't come on, no matter which setting, whether it be AUTO, or defroster, or face, or feet. Doesn't matter which level of blowing is chosen, from low to high, or the adjustment of the temperature. Oh, but after a few minutes of driving, it randomly comes on.

For somebody who knows his way around an automobile, Hick shows a shocking lack of interest in solving T-Hoe's problems. The radio and heater are my main concerns. But according to Hick, "Val, that could be ANYTHING! You could take the whole thing apart and never find it!" Well. Okay then. I guess that means we just give up and I do without radio and heat...

Thursday, I made a stop at the main post office over in Sis-Town. When I climbed in after mailing three water bills and Genius's letter, I looked down at the driver's side tire, and it looked LOW. The control panel told me that tire had 26 pounds of air. No good! T-Hoe needs 35 pounds of air in his tires. I'd checked only last week, in the cold weather, and both front tires had 31 pounds, which was fine with me, in the cold. Oh, and I forgot to say above, T-Hoe's two rear tire sensors don't work, and need to be replaced or reset or whatever those mechanics do when they put on new tires. Or don't...

Anyhoo... I was headed back over to Backroads, a distance of 8.7 miles by highway, but maybe a bit shorter for me on the back roads. I figured I could use the Gas Station Chicken Store's FREE AIR hose if that tire went any lower. When I got there, the reading was 27 pounds. Understandable, since they heat up while driving, and the air expands. I figured I could make it home, and have Hick do the airing. He doesn't live here chore-free, you know! Besides, I figured the back tires might need checking, being without a sensor.

Hick drove T-Hoe to the BARn, and used his air compressor to top off the tires. He says they all have 35 pounds now. When I start to town, I'll see what my sensor says about that driver's tire. Hopefully, I just knocked some air out on the potholes on our gravel road, and I don't have a slow leak.

Yes, You Know the Bargain Man

Hick bemoaned a bargain that got away this week. He's been working on Bargain House again. He got the shower set in place in the bathroom he's adding.

Now it needs a door and the faucet put on. I don't think Hick has the door yet, but I'm pretty sure he has the faucet.

"I could have had a 5-foot shower for only $500! The guy I know who works at Lowe's told me about it. Lowe's donates stuff to the VA Store so they can make money from it. I almost went and got it, for the main bathroom. It would fit just right. Then I got to thinking, did I really want a house with two showers and no bathtub. It's a nice shower, like the one we have."

"Still, there would be no bathtub. If the person who wants to buy the house has little kids, that would be a dealbreaker. When you want a tub, you don't spend all your money on a house that you'll have to remodel to put in a bathtub. So I think you were right not to get the shower."

"Yeah. I hate it, though. That shower would be $1200 full price. But we don't have a house to put it in right now. So I couldn't see buying it."

I'm sure other bargains will come Hick's way. He's a bargain magnet.

The Pony Slugs an Overnight Intruder

Oh, Even Steven, you silly pranking jokester! Can you not even let The Pony have some peace at home? The Pony works hard, and only wants to relax once the job part of the day is done. Many evenings, this includes falling asleep on the couch after supper, then waking up in the wee hours of the morning when nature calls. But no, Even (sometimes known as EVIL) Steven! You have to keep The Pony on his toes with your constant shenanigans.

On one of our morning phone calls this week, The Pony revealed the latest calamity.

"I fell asleep on the couch again. It's a good thing I turned on the light this time when I went to my hall bathroom. There was a SLUG on the toilet seat!"

"YUCK! Was it gray, or one of those spotted ones? We used to get them all the time on the sidewalk at my $17,000 house. And sometimes in the basement. I'd use salt on the sidewalk slugs, but the basement ones I had to pick up with a paper towel and throw outside."

"I think this was just a plain gray one. I got a piece of toilet paper and shoved it in the toilet and flushed. Good thing I didn't sit down on it in the dark!"

"Yeah!"

"In shock, I might have stumbled trying to get up, and gouged my eye out on that door latch!"

I suppose one slug in the three years he's lived there is not too bad. I know slugs are just like snails without shells, but they repulse me! Except those cartoon slugs in the movie "Flushed Away," which The Pony reminded me about. We must have watched it a hundred times. Those cartoon slugs sang "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Much cuter than the real thing, who I never heard sing a single time, heh, heh.

Not sure what Even Steven will come up with next...

Hick Is Apparently a Handyman on Retainer

Hick has taken a day off from working on Bargain House, to do some jobs for the woman who bought the QuickFlip House from us. He mentioned her name, but I was puzzled.

"You know. The Old Lady. One of the tiles in the hall came up, so I'm replacing that for her. For free. She doesn't like the back door, so I'm going to put on a new one. For pay. In fact, she still owes me about $200 for the last work I did for her. I just haven't stopped by to pick it up yet."

"That's hard to believe!"

"Well, I been busy with the other house. I hope I don't give Old Buddy a heart attack by working him eight hours in one day! He'll probably have something wrong with him."

"At least he's getting paid for it."

"Yeah, out of MY money."

Can't begrudge Hick having a side business. It keeps him off the streets.