Saturday, June 29, 2024

What Hath Hick Wrought?

We got a letter from the county clerk yesterday, addressed to Hick. Of course I was curious. This had a return address labeled Election and Voter Registration. Yes, I open all the mail. Hick had his chance when he drove it from EmBee down on Mailbox Row, a mile up the gravel road to our hillbilly mansion.

Inside was a document, titled "Certificate of Appointment of Judge of Election."

WHAT IN THE NOT-HEAVEN???

It stated that the clerk of the county commission certified his appointment of "the following" to serve as Judges of Election in a certain precinct on a certain day. This election will be in August, and the precinct is not the one in which Hick and I vote.

Anyhoo... there was a column headed "Republican" with a supervisor and three judges under it. And a column headed "Democrat" with a supervisor and three judges listed under it. And centered on the page just below those two columns was "Judge: Hick Thevictorian (NPP)." And his phone number, same as with all the other supervisor/judges.

The bottom third of the page is labeled "Qualifications." Heh, heh! I won't put the whole thing here, but one section says"

"EACH ELECTION JUDGE SHALL BE A PERSON OF GOOD REPUTE AND CHARACTER WHO CAN SPEAK, READ, AND WRITE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE."

I suppose Hick qualifies!

"HEY! Why are you getting a notice that you're an election judge?"

"Because I volunteered."

"WHAT? When did you do that?"

"I don't know. The last time I voted, I think. They were looking for people to be judges, and I said I'd do it."

"Wait. Does that mean you have to be there for whole election day?"

"I don't know. I guess maybe? I don't remember much about signing up for it."

"Won't that mean you can't drive me to vote?"

"Maybe?"

"Huh. Well. Maybe there won't be anything I want to vote for. Or I'll have to drive myself."

Yeah. Well. That date is the Missouri primary. So of course I'll want to vote.

Our usual polling place is in a little country church, and I have to go DOWN STEPS to get to the voting area in the basement. It has a really small parking lot, difficult to find a space, and easy to get blocked in. The best time to go is around 6:00 a.m. when it opens, but there's still the stair issue.

For the past couple years, we have been going to the county voting place over in Bill-Paying Town, which is THE OLD MORGUE across from the old hospital. But at least it's one level, and Hick drops me off at the door before parking. As I remember, they allow early voting here. So I guess Hick will be able to take me, and do his own voting at the same time.

That Hick. He's full of surprises. Sometimes, he even surprises himself...

4 comments:

  1. We can only vote where we are assigned. Here, 'early voting' does not mean we can get in the door early. I finally gave up going and voting in person. I do mail-in voting.

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    Replies
    1. In Missouri, for early voting, you have to go to the site run by your county election committee, and it can only start two weeks before the election. It's technically considered "absentee voting." It's easier to drive the half hour to the county commission site for us than to try the mail-in version.

      Mail-in voting uses an absentee ballot, which must be requested, returned with picture ID, and received by the close of voting time on election day.

      Here is a copy/paste of the early voting rules:

      If you are going to be unable to vote on Election Day due to:

      *Absence from the jurisdiction of the election authority in which you are registered to vote,

      *Incapacity or confinement due to illness or physical disability, including primary caregivers

      *Religious belief or practice,

      *Employment as an election authority, as a member of an election authority, or by an election authority at a location other than such voter’s polling place; a first responder; a health care worker; or a member of law enforcement.

      *Incarceration, provided all qualifications for voting are retained, then you are eligible to vote by absentee ballot.

      The absentee voting period begins on the sixth Tuesday before the date of the election. All requests for an absentee ballot should be submitted by the day before the election if voting in person, or by 5:00 p.m. on the second Wednesday before the election if requesting a ballot by mail. The election authority must receive all absentee ballots by the close of polls on Election Day in order to be counted.

      You can apply for an absentee ballot in person, by mail, by fax, or a guardian or close relative (parents, siblings, children, grandchildren, grandparents, as well as these relationships through marriage) may request in person an absentee ballot for you. Each application should be made to the election authority of the jurisdiction in which you are registered.

      The application needs to be in writing and needs to give the following information:

      name;
      voter registration address;
      reason for voting absentee; and
      the address to which the ballot is to be mailed, if requested; and
      which party's ballot is requested, if a primary election.

      During the two weeks prior to the election, you may vote a no-excuse absentee ballot in person at the office of your local election author. When voting an absentee ballot in person, you must show an acceptable form of photo ID. In person absentee voters are not eligible for a provisional ballot.

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  2. I would never put myself in as a volunteer. Having to stay there for hours and hours, maybe the whole day, I would go nuts. Or fall asleep.

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    Replies
    1. I'm guessing that Hick will have to stay from just before the polls open at 6:00 a.m., until they close at 7:00 p.m., and the workers get all the ballots secured. Hick will probably like it, since he's a people person.

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