What Am I Bid?

Sorry. I can't speak like an auctioneer. Nor type like one. Every time I try to think of how an auctioneer talks, my brain hears, "Hey, batter-batter!" You'll have to imagine it for yourself. Hopefully, you won't come up with, "We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher!"

Here are some things Hick took to the auction last week. It's one table full of stuff, but different views to see particular items. Sorry this tale will be incomplete. I asked Hick what he wanted for his items, but I didn't write them down. Surely you don't expect me to remember such minutia from three days ago!

 

Hick must have put a reserve on his items. I do remember that he brought some back home, because I guess he wouldn't make a 50-cent profit after paying the auctioneer his commission. For sure he brought home the horses, and the drill bits. Maybe the knives, because he can get more for them at his Storage Unit Store.

 

There's a slow-cooker, still in the box, for all you gourmet cooks. And a gently-used camp stove. You might need that in case the Apopadopalyspe happens! To catch your own food to cook on it, you can get a fishing pole for $7, and a trap for miscellaneous small critters. Behind it, there's a pot to boil your water.

 

Are you a collector? Or a doll-player-wither? Here's a couple of baseball legends, still in their box. And some "Johnny Lightning" knockoff Hot Wheels cars. I wish I knew what that divided bucket thingy was. I need a direct line from my lair up to Hick's bedside, so I can get more details. Those flashlights in boxes are also tasers.

 

If you need to mold some tasty treat into the shape of a lamb, Hick's got you covered. I hope The Pony never finds out about this garlic roaster! He loves garlic! We're safe from vampire invasion while he's living here. Those M&M figures? I think Hick sold them for $3 each. I said that seemed cheap, and he said he could get $5 each at his Storage Unit Store, but all he paid for them was $3 total for a whole plastic tub full.

When Hick proudly texted that he'd bought three hats for $4.50, he didn't tell me what kind of hats. Also, I found out later that it was for $4.50 apiece! Which doesn't sound like such a bargain to me, unless maybe he had an Abe Lincoln stovepipe hat, or a John Steed (from The Avengers, that British spy show with his partner Mrs. Peel) bowler hat, or a racing legend Jackie Stewart plaid newsboy cap. I was a bit disappointed when Hick sent me the picture:

 

They are glorified trucker caps. I'm pretty sure that one in the back says, "Kiss My Bass." I'm also pretty sure Hick can sell these for at least $5 each at his Storage Unit Store, thus making his 50-cent profit. He might be keeping them, to add to his collection of 2000 hats. That's an estimate. For personal wear. I wonder, if somebody wanted to sit there, they'd tell Hick, "Move your bass!"

I'm pretty sure Hick went to four auctions last week. He might have to build another shed.