The Pony often joins me in the kitchen as I prepare our nightly meal. Not necessarily because he likes to help people (which was patently proven untrue by his SAT personality inventory), but due to his penchant for not liking everything I cook.
He's a picky eater, that Pony! There's usually a variation that he requires. Baked chicken breasts with lemon pepper is not his style. He wants Shake N Bake on his. Pasta? Usually he'll use some weird infused oil instead of the red sauce. Tacos? No meat simmered in taco sauce. He adds it dry, and adds other stuff like oregano and spicy oil and a white cheese instead of cheddar.
Tuesday night, I made the FREE Ponytail Guy Italian Sausages. Hick and The Pony wanted them split down the middle, and fried in a skillet. However... The Pony didn't want his on regular plain hot dog buns. He had to pull it apart, and slip four halves into the oven.
"Oh, Mom. Do you think I should put a little butter on my buns [heh, heh, I held my 13-year-old tongue on that opening], or maybe a little mayo?"
"Well. I use mayo when I toast bread in a skillet. But it might work in the oven. If you wait just a minute, I'll set these sausages out when they're done, and you can put your buns in the skillet."
"No. I'll put them in the oven. I think I'll use the Garlic Aioli. It's just mayo with garlic."
"Okay. Whatever. I offered to toast them."
"Mother. I can make my own food!"
Hick and The Pony each had two sausages. I didn't have my lunch (ham and cheese sandwich, with BBQ potato chips) until 4:00, so I didn't want any supper at 6:30.
"I know I'll regret it later, but I don't think I want any supper. I'll have my sausages tomorrow, since there are only two pieces of chicken in the Ponytail Guy's package."
"I might have half of a sausage left, Mom. I'm making this garlic toast, too." [With some too-long bread that I had cut off my Country Mart deli sandwich. Don't tell the dogs, who were destined to have it for Wednesday's treat.]
"Okay. But don't save any just for me."
Turns out The Pony DID have half an Italian sausage left. He set it aside for me to take down to my lair after I finished socializing with him and Hick. Not too filling, that half a sausage on a hot dog bun. I had no qualms about eating that bun spread with Garlic Aioli. It didn't get very toasty in the oven, so maybe The Pony will listen to me next time. Okay. We all know he won't.
Anyhoo... back down in my lair, I picked up that sausage and took a bite. Much to my chagrin, a dollop of mixed condiments dripped onto my lairwear gray zip-front fleece sweatshirt. [No, it was not Old Baby Blue, who so many of you commanded me to THROW AWAY. He still lingers, on the back of the basement couch. For emergencies.]
WHO puts KETCHUP on an Italian sausage? That is SO VERY WRONG. The Pony had also added a generous squirt of Garlic Aioli to the sausage itself. It had sunk to the lowest level of the sausage, that being the crack in the middle, where it ran like a river out the end away from my bite.
I'm sure it was just an accident. Not premeditated. The Pony is the one person I can trust not to conspire against me. You know. It was his PHONE that accidentally locked me out by hitting that turning thingy in the kitchen doorknob...
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This TITLE really should not need explanation, but perhaps not all of you share my childhood TV experience with a classic show such as Hee Haw. It had a regular segment with Buck Owens and Roy Clark, called "Pickin' and Grinnin'." Which started out with Buck saying, "I'm a-pickin'..." and Roy responding, "And I'm a-grinnin'." Here's a 2-minute clip if you're interested.
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In lieu of some good gravy (Italian red sauce simmered with meat) I've dolloped some catsup on a sausage sandwich.
ReplyDeleteThe SO VERY WRONG POLICE are at this very moment speeding across the country to investigate your claim. Get your story straight. Perhaps a red condiment on a sausage is a medical requirement for you. I hope you have records to show that you were indeed lacking the "gravy," and only used the catsup to save your life.
DeleteAt least you'll know next time to wear an adult sized bib for The Pony's leftovers. That clip was funny, but I don't think I could sit through an entire show of that.
ReplyDeleteThe Pony had the AUDACITY to ask me how I liked the sauce! I said my sweatshirt didn't like it much, and that he could have TOLD me it had "sauce" on it. He said I should have known, because during the summer when we grilled sausages, he gave me a leftover part with that same mixture of aioli and ketchup.
DeleteThe whole SHOW wasn't that format. But they DID have a lot of corny jokes, along with skits and performances by famous country singers of that time.
I caught the allusion. I loved every minute of Hee Haw, no matter how corny.
ReplyDeleteGood to know! I love my titles, making them to please myself, hoping that somebody will get it!
DeleteI especially like the "Pfft You Was Gone!" segments!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZMSUNObnTM
My guy empties half a bottle of ketchup onto spaghetti which already has sauce on it. He just purchased mayo with olive oil. I frowned and said, YUCK. He said, "Put it back." I put it in the cart and he will eat it himself. Not mxing that into my deviled eggs. Happy cooking!
ReplyDeleteThe SO VERY WRONG POLICE are being dispatched!
DeleteThe SO VERY WRONG POLICE would get booted out here. EVERYONE puts tomato sauce on sausages and hotdogs. Onto burgers too sometimes. I know someone who squirts it across her poached eggs. Not me.
ReplyDeleteIt belongs on burgers, but the rest is just pure malarkey! I wouldn't be surprised if you guys captured the SO VERY WRONG POLICE, and made them eat ketchup on their DONUTS!
DeleteMy grandpa used to put salsa on his eggs. My dad's dad, the one who always had a jar of pickled pigs' feet in his refrigerator. I used to open the door and look at them, like they were a scientific specimen.
I am not a big condiment eater. I prefer to taste the individual foods I eat. We do use a lot of ketchup ( we meaning HeWho) I am still trying to convince him of the high sodium content that he refuses to read himself. Might be okay id he used it in moderation, but he tries to drown whatever he is eating with ketchup. He seems to believe that if he does not deliver the salt to his food himself, it doesn't count. I picked up his stainless steel mug to wash it and discovered it to have been full of die coke! The VERY thing his doctor told him to stay away from! It make his blood pressure rise to an out of control level and linger there until they add even more drugs to bring it down. Took almost dying to quit smoking, I guess we will have to go through that again before he will listen!
ReplyDeleteKetchup is definitely high in salt. That's probably it's appeal to HeWho, even though he doesn't consciously think of it being salty. Without details of the foods he adds it to, I will put the SO VERY WRONG POLICE on standby, just in case.
DeleteI can't advise you on the Diet Coke, you know. But you have given me a laugh by typing it as DIE Coke. Unless that was intentional, in which case I applaud your cleverness!
That was a typo, but ....
DeleteHeh, heh, a Freudian typo!
Delete