Saturday night, in my dark basement lair, I reached for the lotion. My hands were all dry from too much washing at the casino. Technically, I reached for the HAIR CONDITIONER that I've been using as lotion. Don't judge.
I was reading up on celebrity gossip on New Delly's screen, and squeezed that tube so a glop of
There those tubes were, like Carmen and The Devil walking, in that Take a Load Off song (actually The Weight, by The Band)...side by side. It was as if I'd invited Carmen to go downtown, but she had something better to do, and The Devil hopped in to ride shotgun. Or in this case, to be squeezed from that tube and onto my finger. Seriously. I was ready to rub that in for moisturization purposes, until I saw the tube in my hand.
YIKES! It was akin to HOS'S wife's sister sitting on her back porch one evening, texting, with her new puppy romping under her chair, brushing her ankles...then looking down to see a RACCOON. Okay. Maybe not exactly like that, because I'm pretty sure Thera-Gesic can't give me rabies. But shockingly close to that.
It's not like those tubes were facing forward, so I could notice the bright blue color of the Thera-Gesic. No siree, Bob! They had the labels facing me. And when you reach and grab only one, you don't have to ability to compare sizes. One flip-top tube feels pretty much like the next one.
Just like in the bathroom that morning when I was brushing my teeth. Let the record show that my toothpaste sits on Hick's side of the sink counter. Don't think I'm encroaching on his space! His cell phone sits on my side to charge. It's a mutual agreement. Except I guess Hick was having some aches and pains. Perhaps in his Poparm. Because he'd moved the Bengay from the fireplace mantel (as opposed to the anything-else mantel) in the living room to the sink counter in the bathroom. And put it right down beside my toothpaste, with me unawares. C'mon! Who actually LOOKS at their tube of toothpaste when they reach for it? Except maybe Hick, because he keeps his on top of the frame of the sliding door of the shower.
I actually had that Bengay in my left hand, ready to squeeze onto the toothbrush in my right, when I noticed, sensed more than saw, that my tube of Sensodyne Pronamel was still sitting on the counter. What's THIS then??? YIKES! Again. I'd almost brushed my teeth with Bengay! I stopped before putting it on my toothbrush. So I didn't have to rub it in anywhere, like with the future Thera-Gesic on the back of my neck.
I guess I need to be more observant. Surely I'm not senile yet. I just need to pay attention. And stop putting my Thera-Gesic so close to my hair mask "lotion," and wake up to the fact that since Hick is here now 24/7/365, he's going to upset the status quo.
I hope Hick is also aware, and doesn't rub my toothpaste on his Poparm.
Well, your teeth would be feeling no pain had you used the Bengay. The Theragesic would have made any hand pain a mere memory. I have no solutions. I find myself in the same situation!
ReplyDeleteAt least I wasn't trying to frost a cake with those tubes of "icing."
DeleteYou'd better watch out. Your laissez faire attitude about tubes could land you in big trouble. Especially if you're aggravating Hick and he starts putting some of HIS tubes in YOUR space...
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'd finished my coffee before reading this comment.
DeleteACK! My nightmares have reached a new level!
DeleteAs a teen, I once put "Red Hot Balm" on a pulled groin muscle. Bad idea...really bad idea. Anything more would be TMI. Your thirteen year old self probably knows why, if not Hick would know.
ReplyDeleteI guess the only positive thing about this experience is that YOU put the Red Hot Balm on yourself. It wouldn't have been cool (heh, heh) if somebody else put it on you.
DeleteI suggest the first thing to do is move the Thera-gesic AWAY from your computer area, or at least much further away from the conditioner/lotion tube.
ReplyDeleteWhy are cell phones charging in the bathroom? Isn't that dangerous? Because electricity and water is a bad mix.
That's good advice. The cell phone is in the bathroom because that was Hick's habit when he was working. He got calls all hours of the night, due to problems arising with machinery, and he could hear the phone ring if it was charging there. The only time our land line got called was from the security company false alarms.
DeleteIt's not like I was "accidentally" knocking the phone into the bathtub with Hick! It was not near the water. We're not THAT wild when brushing our teeth.
Woman it is bound to happen unless you place a rubber band or some other identifier on the tube. And Hope Hick doesn't switch things up for fun.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'd have to find a rubber band. That's one thing we never have laying around. In fact, I could never find one at school, either.
Delete