This week, I tear a page from my
The Checkerboard-Tile Jungle
Telma and Louisa meet most mornings for coffee. Telma, principal of Not Your Public School Academy, relies on Louisa to bring her up-to-speed on the goings-on in the trenches. Lately, there has been a problem with Cutesey Newgal. Cutesey wears little-to-the-imagination leggings and revealing lace tops. She spends more time on her phone than on her lessons. Students don't complain, getting 'A's without effort. Nor do the not-A-students. The weekend parties Cutesey throws more than make up for their lackluster record.
Now Cutesey has been seen on surveillance cameras, antagonizing her fellow faculty. Namely, members of the Woeful Wagging Tongues clique. A copier job interrupted and deleted, a doorstop stolen, on-purpose tardy passes written after the bell, lunches missing from the faculty fridge...Cutesy doesn't have a leg to stand on as she skates on thin ice.
Will Telma and Louisa take Cutesy for a long ride off a tall cliff? (150 words)
Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book
Pat Conroy…”The water is not wide enough to protect the reading public from this fake book!”
Bel Kaufman…”It has come to my attention that Ms. Thevictorian has not been going up the UP staircase, nor down the DOWN staircase, choosing instead to declare herself special and take the elevator both ways. I'd like to say her fake book also has its ups and downs, but, unfortunately, it has only downs.”
E.R. Braithwaite…”To Val, With Shock: This fake book is pure trash. It should be tossed into the classroom stove like an unsanitary napkin and burned to a crisp.”
Harry K. Wong…”Obviously, this author has never set foot inside an actual school. If there's only one fake book you don't fake-read prior to starting your teaching career, make it this one.”
Mrs. Rayburn…”I have not been exposed to subject matter this shocking since Theodore Cleaver wore a 3-eyed Martian sweatshirt to school. Unlike Theodore's classmates, I am not tittering. I think Val Thevictorian should be sent back to her dark basement lair to fake-write a fake book that is more appropriate than this low-class effort."
Robin Williams as John Keating…”If only Thevictorian was a member of the Dead Author's Society, I would jump up on my desk and implore my students to Sleaze the Day and read this piece of dreck so that none of them would ever be tempted to fake-write anything so abominable."