Friday, July 22, 2016

Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday #18

I skipped a week, but it's baaaack! Blog buddy Sioux is hosting Back-of-the-Book-Blurb Friday. I have 150 words to entice you to fake-buy my fake book.

Since I failed to produce a novel last week, in favor of staying busy not-writing my pitch for the All Write Now Writer's Conference pitch sessions...I shall forego my usual begging for your fake purchases, and treat this as an authorly exercise. Whatever that means.

 Here's my logline: Fifty Shades of Grey meets Lady and the Tramp.

And my pitch: A prissy bitch pursues a laid-back pug who is not all that into her. With the aid of toys and treats, their passion grows to off-the-leash proportions.

Fifteen Shades of Fur

Buster is a simple fellow. He spends his days chasing his kinky tale, and falls into his bed exhausted each night to lick himself to sleep. He has no idea that his wealthy neighbor next door has been watching him frolic on the porch, getting to KNOW his fluffy squirrel and skunk toys in the biblical way. Or that she has been practicing how to squeak in ecstasy.

FiFi has her sights set on Buster. Afraid she isn't his type, she spares no expense to doll herself up in a coat of just two colors. With her rabies-tag bling and Canine Anus #5 perfume, she escapes through her doggy door for a night on the yard. Buster's yard.

Will FiFi teach Buster how to bury the bone? (127 words)

Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book

Scooby Doo…Ruh roh! Ris risn't a rery rood rook!” 

Marmaduke…I have a HUGE dislike for this work! It needs to be shredded like Phil's couch!” 

Lassie…”Timmy! Grab a hardhat! I'm about to throw this fake book down the well!” 

Clifford…”I am red with embarrassment after peeking into this fake book.” 


Rin Tin Tin…”I am exerting heroic effort to dissuade people from fake-buying this fake book.”
Queen Elizabeth II's Corgis…”We are royally pissed that such an artificial tome ever saw the light of day!” 

That Chihuahua from Paris Hilton's Purse…”This is a romance book, right? Doggy style?” 

Buck Bundy…”This fake author makes Kelly look like Einstein."

Shadow from Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)…”This is pure pornography! I would run away from home and never come back if I was that Thevictorian woman!”


  1. Will FiFi teach Buster how to bury the bone? Oh my!!!!

    1. The title is your foreshadowing friend!

  2. I feel un-uh-what's that word, oh, unqualified to bark on this subject.

    1. By that, I will assume that you are a cat person, and decline to extend your claws...

  3. Kathy--You went way beyond what I tried to do. (The post and link is FINALLY up. Sorry.) I'm glad I wrote mine before I read yours... Otherwise, I might have given up before I even started.

    1. I have a penchant for going TOO FAR!

      Perhaps, Madam, you would have given up because the heat from your flaming red face, flushed with embarrassment from reading my ribald tale, made your eyes water so that you could not see your keyboard.

  4. Oh my goodness! I was having to fan away the heat!! This was fabulous!!

    1. You are too kind. Don't encourage me!