Thursday, February 12, 2015

Be Careful What You Wish For (The Pony to Pick Up)

Perhaps I've mentioned that The Pony is my personal shopper. Well, he would be, if he had his driver's license and could be sent to town for provisions every week. Right now, he is my shopping assistant. Believe you me, Val is not one to look a gift Pony in the mouth. That little fella trots all over the store gathering items for me. He really pulls his weight. However...

The Pony has a knack for choosing damaged goods. It's like a sixth sense for him. The tabloid with the staples not on the fold, or six pages where the color is off center, or one corner with overgrown extra paper on every page? That's the one The Pony picks. Or the bread with a deep crevice baked into the top of the loaf, leaving a V of sandwich meat exposed. Or the dented can of Hunts Meat Flavor Pasta Sauce.  Are you pickin' up what I'm layin' down? He manages to do this without even thinking.

Tuesday evening, we stopped by Walmart on the way home. I sent The Pony to the pharmacy area for a large bottle of Germ-X. Have you heard? I have one class that had their Germ-X privileges withdrawn early in the year, due to waste and tomfoolery. Even so, I have run out of Germ-X 63 school days early.

One might assume such a simple task as picking up a large bottle of Germ-X that looks just like my depleted bottle of Germ-X, the same size and style I have used throughout the last 10 years of my career, would be easily accomplished by a child so gifted as The Pony. You know what happens when one assumes.

I didn't look closely at the bottle. After all, I had other items in my cart. The Pony finished fetching, and raced off to look at Valentine cards for his sweetie. It was not until I reached the checkout that I sensed something was rotten in the state of Germ-X. I lifted that bottle out of the cart, and it slimed my hand. What in tarnation had this boy done now? I looked more closely. The top was already unscrewed. So putting it in a bag with other items was not gonna happen. I alerted the checker. "Do you want a different bottle?" Certainly. But did I want to wait for somebody to go find one? No. I told her to put it in a bag by itself.

When The Pony and I reunited, I asked him why he got the bottle of Germ-X that had already been opened. He smashed his forelock with his hoof. "Something else I didn't do right! It was the only bottle I could find. It was just sitting on the shelf. There weren't any more that size."

"I think you grabbed the bottle that was set out for the employees to use. It has definitely been opened, and it's still open. And it's not full."

Yeah. We bought the employee Germ-X allocation. This is what we had. I took a picture as soon as The Pony packed it into school this morning.

It appears that I paid for Germ-X I did not get. Paid for Germ-X that was only minutes before making the skin of the associates so clean and so moist.

You be the judge. As always, I reserve the duties of jury and executioner for myself.

6 comments:

  1. You women always make the same mistakes when you give directions. If you requested a bottle of Germ-x same size and color as you have been getting for the last ten years and failed to specify the bottle should be full and unopened, what did you expect?

    Sheesh...women!

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  2. Hey! Was that picture taken in your classroom? I paid extra for the full tour, but you made sure your classroom was "unavailable" when tour time hit.

    Perhaps you should give The Pony a checklist for each item he fetches?

    ____ is unopened

    ____ has not been previously used/consumed

    ____ does not have anything floating in it that is not supposed to be
    floating in it

    ____ is not stale

    I'm sure you can think of other things for the checklist...

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  3. My kid would have said, "Well, you said, SOAP. Details, details!"
    Never send a boy to do a teacher's job. you want me to go on? I thought not :)

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  4. I say string up The Pony for this terrible crime. But be sure to wipe down that noose with some Germ-X because nooses can get rather cruddy.

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  5. joeh,
    Yes. I was careless. You'd think with my many years of experience dealing with Hick-like creatures, I would have known better.

    ******
    Sioux,
    I have to withhold certain pertinent stops, because that's how I build the mystery that will bring customers a-runnin' to fork over big bucks for "Val Retires: The Farewell Tour."

    Another most scathingly brilliant idea! The Checklist. Adding:

    ______ does not smell

    ______ has a bar code

    ______ is the normal color, without inappropriate spots

    ********
    Linda,
    Yes. They are not quite as discriminating in their product selection as we might be.

    ******
    Stephen,
    I'm saving the stringer for Hick. They don't grow on trees, you know. With my Germ-X budget exceeded, I can't go stringing up lesser offenders all willy-nilly.

    Just this morning, I set out a brand new box of PUFFS EXTRA STRENGTH, and the Germ-X wasting class used ONE THIRD of those tissues in 50 minutes. I'm putting them back on toilet paper rations.

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  6. You are too good to those students! It would be all generic if it were me!

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