Saturday, April 5, 2014

Finders Sneakers, Losers Freakers

Hick enjoyed a full Saturday off today. That's because they have a guy out sick at work, and the other supervisor of that department didn't want to work on Saturday, and didn't order a replacement to work back-to-back shifts to get on the day schedule. So Hick had no machines running that he had to troubleshoot and repair. Too bad, so sad.

Hick made the most of his morning, before meeting The Grandma's House Night-Spending Pony at the bowling alley for his league. Off Hick went to trim some cedars. That's the story he gave me. Even though I questioned whether that was a good idea to work by himself with a chainsaw. Hick pooh-poohed my concern, and took off towards the BARn with both dogs yapping at the tires of his Gator. Heh, heh. I said pooh pooh. You know what THAT sounds like!

Imagine my surprise 90 minutes later when T-Hoe lurched up the gravel hill across the Great Chasm left by Thursday's torrential rains, and saw...


"What are you doing?"

"I'm picking up this wood." Indeed. It was in firewood-length sections, 4-6 inches in diameter. He already had the back of the Gator half full.

"Whose land is that?"

"It's the ROAD'S land!"

"It is not. That land belongs to somebody. They're going to catch you stealing wood, just like that guy down by the creek who caught you stealing his pile of gravel with a shovel on the fourth load you put in the Gator."

"I thought that gravel just washed up out of the creek during high water."

"Yeah. In a mound like when it pours out of a dump truck."

"Well, I stopped when he asked me what I was doing."

"Uh huh. Half his gravel pile was gone. You're lucky he wasn't one of the CRAZY hillbillies."

"This is just scraps left from when Ameren was out here trimming branches."

"Still. It's on SOMEBODY'S land. Not yours. You need to stop that and go trim your own trees like you said."

"Whatever." Hick continued to pick up the pre-sawn logs.

He's going to come to no good end one of these days.


  1. And then it will be too late to tell him, "I told you so."

  2. Hick is back roads slick and knows how work the system :)

  3. Whether Hick is person who searches for and collects discarded items, takes advantage of an opportunity or is just tidy: he might still get shot for trespassing.

  4. But at least you'll have plenty of wood.

  5. Do you have a nice prison recipe for a cake with a file in it?

  6. Sioux,
    There's always a catch.

    Ain't THAT the truth!

    Ever since they found the body in that septic tank up the road, I am confident that the crazies will think twice before offing Hick...because they'll have to haul his carcass farther to dispose of it.

    Yes. But we don't even use wood. Maybe Hick will build a bonfire down by his creekside cabin.

    I'm sure I can find one on the internet. Though it might be a chore, what with my kitchen expertise consisting solely of heating things in the oven, or warming them in the microwave.

  7. I bet even the crazies wouldn't mess with a Gator-riding, chainsaw-bearing Hick. Especially since he apparently wasn't planning to cut any wood with that chainsaw.

  8. Tammy,
    So true! And Hick really sounds like a badass when described as "Gator-riding." Maybe he should pick up a hockey mask at the auction, to strap on while he revs his chainsaw.