As an Added Stocking Stuffer, Val Bestows You All the Poop That's Fit to Scoop

There has been a recent development in the PoopShowerGate scandal!

I swear, Hick must be leading a double life. At some point, perhaps on a work trip to Germany, or Wales, or Brazil, or New Jersey...he apparently underwent training in tactics to avoid incriminating himself in House Subcommittee Hearings. Or Val's relentless questioning. The main facet of such training being DENY DENY DENY, followed by the second principle, REDIRECT REDIRECT REDIRECT.

Just this morning, as we headed out the driveway to try and buy a new vehicle, I asked Hick about the restroom facilities at the auto dealership. Not for pooping purposes. For the purposes of a lady who takes blood pressure medication in the morning, and is used to fighting tooth and nail with other ladies who take blood pressure medication in the morning, for the one-seat faculty women's restroom, a battle more violent than the opening round of the Hunger Games, when the 24 tributes are upthrust in their tubes to begin their battle to the death.

"It has nice bathrooms. I used them plenty of times when I was there having your mom's car serviced."

"With toilet paper and everything, I guess. Not that you'd need it."

"I didn't say I don't need it, Val."

"Yes you did! You said you don't use it. Remember? When I was getting it out of the closet to carry to the bathroom? You said you just get in the shower and wash after you poop!"

"I did NOT! I've been in there three times already this morning, and I used toilet paper!"

"Of course you did! Since I carried it in there for you! And anyway, that's too much information!"

"I use toilet paper. I only get in the shower when I poop in the morning, right before my shower."

"You are such a liar! You told me that you don't use toilet paper."

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Oh, Val. I don't say half of the things you say I said."

"You do too! You can't REMEMBER half of the things you've said!"

"YOU are the one who can't remember. Not me."

"I am SO done talking to you! You always change your story. You are SO full of crap!"

Let the record show that this morning, Hick was only figuratively full of crap, having emptied himself of his literal crap during those three trips to the bathroom. After which he did not take three showers.