Bowling Alley Rails, Adult Leashes, and Bumper Car Rubber Skirts

The current loss of common sense calls for some products to keep people safe. Namely, to keep VAL safe from having a conniption fit when confronted with the Common Senseless.

I've adapted to dealing with the Common Senseless close-parkers. It's no secret that I cheat over to the edge of the parking space lines, so as to leave space for T-Hoe's giant driver's door to open, allowing my partially-bendable knees to get my feet back inside. 

Let the record show that I do NOT park on the lines, nor over the lines, unless I'm on the end of a row, where nobody can park on my right. I'm always quite proud of myself when I return to T-Hoe, and see that such instincts were correct.

 

That's the latest example, from Country Mart a few days ago. You will notice that the spaces are quite generous. The sensible drivers in the row behind me were parked in an acceptable manner. Good thing I cheated over when I parked. Nothing was beside me then. When I came out, that four-door truck was riding the line for no reason! Nothing on the other side of it. Just crowding me like a Common Senseless loon! Of course I had to document the occasion. If I hadn't given myself extra room, I might have been tempted to open T-Hoe's door and repeatedly bang the Not-Heaven out of that truck!

 

The solution for these line-riders is BOWLING ALLEY RAILS! They automatically pop up when a vehicle approaches the parking space. You can get close to the line, but not cross it or park on it! 

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No pictures for the following examples. My shaking hands would  have betrayed me.

As I left the Save A Lot on Monday, I backed out of my parking space and followed the proper flow of traffic through the lot. That aisle was one-way. I barely avoided a car coming the wrong direction. I'll give her a pass, because that lady could barely see over the steering wheel of her large silver sedan. She looked like Clara Peller, the "Where's the Beef?" lady from the classic Wendy's commercial. And she had handicap license plates.

HOWEVER, Mrs. Peller barely avoided running over a Lot-Walker. There are no sidewalks. No walkways. Back in my days of traversing parking lots on foot, we were taught that cars have the right-of-way. That cars weigh more than people. That cars will always win a confrontation with a human. I guess nobody is teaching that concept any more!

The Lot-Walker was perhaps mid-20s, with long black hair, a feminine t-shirt, and jeans shorts. She never varied her pace. Strode along like she owned the place. I had to slam on my brakes as she walked out in front of T-Hoe. And do you know what she did??? She turned to give me the stink-eye! Like I was in the wrong, for driving T-Hoe the right way up the aisle in a parking lot! Whatever happened to looking both ways before venturing out into moving traffic? The Lot-Walker reminded me of the best footage of Bigfoot, lumbering along, swinging arms, then turning to look right at me.

 

This was not an isolated incident. The Common Senseless do this all the time. I understand that drivers need to be aware of foot traffic when backing out of convenience store parking spaces, and when pulling in. People go from the store to the gas pumps, and vice versa. If they're already in the driving lane, wait for them to cross. The key for the Lot-Walker is:  if a car is moving, don't walk into its path! Stop and wait until the coast is clear!

The solution for these Lot-Walkers is ADULT LEASHES. Somebody needs to be at the other end of their tether, to yank them out of harm's way like that dog-walker in National Lampoon's Vacation, when Clark Griswold fell asleep at the wheel.

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Our last Common Senseless creature is the Battling Rammer. He barrels onto parking lots ready for a showdown. Usually in a pickup truck that has a little paint missing. Like the one who charged me at the Liquor Store on Tuesday.

I was parked up against the building, in the last space on the left, next to the ice machines. To leave this space, I have to back up, veer T-Hoe's butt to the right, in front of the building, avoiding the cars parked along the front, and the cars parked in the double row of three spaces perpendicular to the road. Then I can turn the wheel left, and pull up to the exit. Essentially, I make a sideways V shape in my backing-up pattern. 

The Battling Rammer flew in the exit (it can be an entrance or an exit, it's not marked). Rather than put on his brakes and wait his turn while I was midway into my V, he forged ahead into a parking space by the front of the building, causing ME to slam on my brakes! 

Funny how they used to teach drivers that if a car is backing out of a parking space, already IN MOTION, you slow down or stop until it's out. Not zoom into its path! I guess they're not teaching that concept any more.

The solution for a Battling Rammer is BUMPER CAR RUBBER SKIRTS. For all cars, because you never know when you're going to be the Rammee.

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Surely there must be an investor itching to mass-produce these products to save the Common Senseless from themselves AND FROM US...