A couple weeks ago, I ordered some new work shoes for The Pony. They were supposed to arrive on Thursday. I waited. And waited. I'd noticed that I did not get a morning email saying my package was out for delivery. Then I checked the tracking, and saw that my package was in Olathe, Kansas at 8:00 a.m. So I was pretty sure it would not be arriving that day. A check later in the evening showed that my package should arrive on Friday.
I DID get the morning email saying that my package was out for delivery, and would arrive by 9:00 p.m. I puttered around as usual. The dang dogs are not reliable these days, since they've decided that Copper Jack, the neighbor dog who has been hanging out here for five years, is now an intruder!
There was really no sense of urgency with my package. It would be in a box too big for the dogs to drag off, big enough that they couldn't chew through it easily to get to those delicious leather shoes. I looked out every now and then, to see if it might be on the porch, or in the back of Hick's gator. It wasn't. Sometimes we don't get our FedEx packages until 5:00 or 6:00.
The Pony was at work on Friday. He sent a text at 1:49.
"Should be off fairly early."
"Okay. Your shoes are actually arriving today. Getting ready for shower, then town."
That's so he'd know if I didn't respond to further texts about the menu of our proposed supper of Chinese picked up by him. I went to get ready for my shower. Had already disrobed, in fact, when I decided to skedaddle back to the kitchen and hop on the scale. Au naturale.
You know what happened next, don't you?
I had just stepped onto the scale, which we keep next to FRIG II, at the confluence of the kitchen and living room, when I saw movement through the side windows by the front door.
THE FED-EX MAN!
Oh, well. That was definitely a surprise package. I don't think he could actually see me through the little distorted rectangles that make up the oblong windows bordering the door. Not unless he pressed his nose against the outside, and peered through one single rectangle. I'm pretty sure he was just standing there because he rang the bell that doesn't make a sound, and thought somebody might appear to open the door.
You know if I'd been sitting on the couch waiting to see the FedEx truck come up the driveway, he wouldn't have showed up until 8:59 p.m.
My neighbor thinks the same thing you do about that opaque glass in her bathroom window. The UPS guy might have gottened an eye full of silhouette.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he did, because I didn't hear screams, and I didn't get a corporate email saying I was responsible for therapy to train that guy how to navigate the world now that he's blind.
DeleteStop it! I just laughed so hard I inhaled my raspberry tea.
DeleteSorry about the tea, but at least you are only experiencing respiratory issues, and have not been blinded for life!
DeleteYes. You have captured the feeling well of being held captive by FedEx or Amazon.
ReplyDeleteAfter all these years, I think I am developing Stockholm Syndrome.
DeleteOur FedX guy just throws stuff toward our front door and skeedaddles off, never rings the bell. We do have that Ring Camera thing so we know that way.
ReplyDeleteApparently, you have a NON-Ring Camera.
DeleteGOTTEN
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. We have defunded the Grammar Police here at the CatHouse.
DeleteI weigh myself without clothes too and still get disappointed that all the fat hasn't magically melted away overnight. Why do you keep your scale in the kitchen? It's a bathroom item.
ReplyDeleteWe have room beside FRIG II for the scale. It doesn't fit well in the bathrooms. The Pony will now have to buy his own scale, and not rely on ours to determine how much fat he keeps losing while distributing the mail. He's around 150 pounds. Not much fat to spare.
DeleteFedX and UPS deliver packages to out steps and the dogs do not bark! But EVERYTIME HeWho enters the house Cujo starts barking and they all join in! EVERY SINGLE TIME even if only 5 minutes have elapsed.
ReplyDeleteHeh, heh. Maybe the delivery people toss dog biscuits. The lady who used to have our UPS route did, and the dogs LOVED HER! Jack even climbed up into her van. Not an easy feat for a low little doggie!
DeleteI think they're mainly afraid of Copper Jack, the neighbor dog. He's big, with a fierce bark. Even though my little Jack has bitten two people (unprovoked), and Copper Jack has bitten none.