Merry Christmas from Val and Her Weirdo Posse

We stayed overnight at Downstream Casino for Hick's birthday, while meeting The Pony halfway for his drive home. The casino was decorated for Christmas. So don't zoom in on that little sign and think I actually took Hick to the North Pole.

As with any visit to a casino, Val was beset by weirdos. Through no fault of her own! It's not like she was stumping around looking for money left in slot machines. I'm lookin' at YOU, Hick!

I left The Pony in a bonus, and started walking toward the lunch rendezvous. On the way, I saw a slot machine that called to me. "Val! Val! You don't know me, but I think you'd like me. Sit down! Take a load off! Feed me some of your casino bankroll. That money's not going to lose itself!" Of course I sat down.

After playing about 10 minutes, getting behind, I hit a bonus. Virtual coins spewed from the bottom of the screen, cascading back down, while a familiar, though unnamed, regal tune played. All at once, an old lady appeared on my right. She sat down at that slot, and looked at me.

"Oh. Did you hit a bonus?"

"Uh huh."

Any weirdo could see that a bonus was spewing. Loud music and spraying coin generally denotes a slot bonus.

"Are you Mary?"

"No."

I make it a policy not to engage. I do not go to casinos to make new friends. I don't know why they'd want to befriend ME, unless they have some ulterior motive. Old Lady made no move to play that slot beside me.

"You're not? Mary?"

Silence from me. I vowed that as soon as my bonus finished, I was cashing out, and getting out of there. It's no fun to play while a stranger watches you.

"Oh. Aren't you playing?"

I walked away. Taking my ticket! I'd been afraid she might try to grab it. I still have flashbacks of that little lady who touched my slot to start a bonus! That was out in Norman, on a visit with The Pony. She got a forearm from me, knocking her hand away, and a not-uncertain decree to LEAVE MY MACHINE ALONE.

Anyhoo, off I went to meet Hick, and hear of his much-worse weirdo woes. After eating, Hick and I sat down to play a new Wizard of Oz slot. Don't waste your time! It's a money-sucker! Of course Hick recommended it to me. He'd played one in Vegas when he went to visit his brother.

A Maude-ish woman walked up to me. "My friend left her card. She's always leaving her card. Must have 10 of them by now! Did she leave her card here?" She looked around, like I was playing on her friend's money. Silly Maude-ish woman! Assumed-theft is for Hick!

Ignore. Don't engage. Maude finally left, having inspected only my machine, and the one around the circular kiosk from it. Didn't even glance at Hick's, on my other side.

We left Downstream for a while, but were back playing before bedtime. It was midnight-thirty, after Hick and The Pony had gone upstairs, when the third of my Werido Trifecta accosted me.

I had just gotten a FREE SODA from the fountain, and was headed to a bill-breaking machine to get smaller bills. I didn't have my money out. I'm very careful about that. I'd put it in my shirt pocket in the bathroom, so I had only to draw out one bill to feed the machine. No rummaging in my purse, distracted, around a bill-breaking ticket-casher.

I set my soda on a nearby slot, getting ready to reach into my shirt pocket. A bald man strode up and stopped.

"Are you winning?"

What in the NOT-HEAVEN! You don't ask that to somebody standing around the cash machine in a casino! I was so shocked by his audacity that I answered!

"No. Not hardly."

Baldy stood there. Um. Conversation over, dude! I just looked at him. Not moving. No more convo. Baldy finally walked off. I made sure he was a good distance away before I broke my bill. Of all the times when you want Hick at your side (because you know he's being constantly surveilled for his earlier forgotten-cashout faux pas), it was now. But Hick was upstairs snoozing.

Make a note of that. Don't ask people in a casino if they are winning. Perhaps, sharing an elevator on the way down with luggage the next morning, it could be permissible as general chit-chat. But definitely don't ask an unaccompanied woman next to the cash machine.

You're welcome for the casino etiquette lesson.

And Merry Christmas.