Gift Horse

Today is the eve of Christmas Eve. The last mail delivery day before Christmas. Ol' Procrastinating Val got her internet shopping done on time, and all her presents delivered by yesterday. So imagine her surprise when she picked up the mail and saw a key to the package lock-box in the mouth of EmBee.

I took the key and opened the box. Huh. A package from Amazon. I didn't remember any outstanding gifts. But clearly, the mailman lady had left me a key, and now I had a package. Or DID I? Somebody else's name and address was on the shipping label!

What to do? You can't re-lock a post office lock box. The key won't come out. So I couldn't put it in the right guy's mailbox. Besides, the lock box won't re-lock. So that package would be there for the taking. I couldn't drive the package to the dead-mouse-smelling post office, because it was now 3:30 p.m., on a Saturday, and they were closed. The earliest I could take it would be Tuesday. The day AFTER Christmas. And I'm pretty sure whoever ordered this would want it before.

I took the box home. But before I could get there, I saw somebody in the front yard/field. Two somebodies. And two critters. Looks like The Universe gave Val a gift horse. TWO!

You have to zoom in, because I stayed back so as not to spook those nags. They'd gotten out of their pasture when a dude on a red tractor opened the gate to take in a giant round bale of hay. Neighbor horses just LOVE our yard. Over the years, we've had many of them gallop through, or stop and munch, or trample our little garden we used to plant out back.

Anyhoo...once the neighbor nags were imprisoned again, I took my unordered gift up to the house.

Hick was sitting in the La-Z-Boy on a heating pad, having done who knows what to his butt again. He'd better not mess up Casinopalooza 3, is all I gotta say! Hick programmed that address in his Garmin, and set out to deliver it. He later said the lady was out in her yard, and looked AFRAID when he drove up.

"No wonder. We live out in the middle of nowhere, and then you show up with that crazy Santa/meth beard! I'd be afraid, too."

"Val. I was IN THE CAR!"

"Still. She didn't know you."

"She went in the house for something, then came back out."

"Probably to get her shotgun. Or concealed weapon."

"She came out and said she didn't know what her husband had ordered. I told her maybe it was her Christmas gift."

"Way to go, Santa, giving away that guy's surprise gift!"

"She wasn't rude or anything. She appreciated it that I brought the package. But she was kind of nervous."

"Oh, well. If it was me, I definitely would be glad if somebody brought me my last-minute package that the mailman lady messed up."

"Yeah. They appreciate it."

So...Even Steven sent me two gifts, and then took them back, because they weren't really mine. What kind of giver is THAT?