Uncle P.T. Wants YOU!
Business has been down at the Big Top. "What this circus needs is new blood," says P.T. Narbum, proprietor of the Bestest Show on Earth. He gives strict orders to his barkers to be on the lookout for unattended children.
Unbeknownst to P.T., little Rhoda Markpen has a burning desire to join his traveling band of entertainers. Rhoda wants the world to know that she has the very best penmanship of any child who ever picked up a quill. After conning her mother's friend, Monica Lovebreed, into taking her to the circus, on the pretense of winning a basket full of kisses to give her father when he returns from the war, Rhoda tap dances her way around the unattended children sign. "Why don't you go see the lion tamer, Monica? I'll be fine here."
How many performers will turn up dead, with mysterious little half-moon bruises on their skin? (150 words)
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Fake Reviews for Val’s Fake Book
Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy…”This fake book made me want to lift my leg. Val Thevictorian writes worse than Lobster Boy.”
Chang and Eng Bunker…”This fake book is so bad that we were beside ourselves when we read it! Our wives gave our 21 children a stern talking-to, making it clear that they were never to read a fake book by Val Thevictorian.”
The Lion-Faced Man…”I roared with displeasure upon reading this counterfeit tome. It was easy to ascertain that Val Thevictorian has no pride.”
The Bearded Lady…”Shiver me whiskers! This Thevictorian lady needs to grow herself a beard as a disguise, so that nobody will associate her with this hair-owing attempt at fake literature.”
Claude Daigle…”I wrote the best hand! That's why I won the medal! Val Thevictorian cannot call what SHE does 'writing.' Not even FAKE writing. Alls I can say is, 'Val better not ever take a walk on the dock with Rhoda when she's wearing her tap shoes.'”
Leroy the building super…”This fake book was so bad that I would not even rip out the pages to make myself some very comfortable, very flammable bedding down in the basement.”
Miss Fern…”It has always been a personal nightmare of mine that one day our fine school might turn out a student who writes a fake book such as this. If Val Thevictorian had attended our academy, I would have personally kicked her off the dock and held her underwater until I was sure she would never write another line.
You're really prolific--a new fake book every week or so!!
ReplyDeleteYeah. And coincidentally, they always come out on Friday!
DeletePoor Fishducky. They don't know I PAY you play each week, to guarantee there's at least one blurb besides mine.
ReplyDeleteA mystery... For an instant, I toyed with that idea, but quickly discarded it for something easier (and lamer). As always, thank you for fulfilling your weekly contractual writing.
You can expect your paycheck in 7-10 business days.
It's great work if you can get it. Even though I am at this very moment reading the fine print in my contract to see if I have a leg to stand on when approaching you for a raise of...ANYTHING. Funny how the past 12 paychecks have been "lost in the mail," Madam.
DeleteYou are so creative -- love your fake reviews of your fake blurb.
ReplyDeleteI am not so much creative as I am a plagia--I mean, a "citer" of the great works of others. I am especially fond of "The Bad Seed," so took some liberties with that classic film.
DeleteMy reviewers are quite harsh!
You're become the mistress (master) of the fake book.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'm doling out the charm. Ready with a handshake and an open palm--to accept payment for my fake book!
DeleteOh, such a sinister setting and plot!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt can't hold a candle to "The Bad Seed," the real inspiration behind my fake book.
Delete