The Pony and I rushed out the door this morning. Tuesday is trash day. The Pony has to pull the big green dumpster up to the end of the driveway, where I pick him up in T-Hoe. First he has to pack all of our daily stuff into the garage. Lunch, backpack, Kindle, my teacher bag, and any extras that need transporting. He holds the kitchen door open for me, then locks it and closes it. His speedy boyhooves pass me on the porch, so he's the first one to the garage door while I pet Juno briefly before entering. No lovefest in the morning. No cat kibble. It's a businesslike parting.
This morning, as I stroked Juno's silky head, I heard a sharp intake of breath from The Pony. "OH!" I looked left, and saw that he was gazing up at the garage wall near the door jamb. "I did NOT expect that!"
Did he see a spider? A snake? A possum or raccoon eating the Meow Mix from the large black-with-white-spots roaster pan on the porch shelf? No. He saw this:
Of course it came from the auction. Of course it was installed without consulting the lady who runs this place. I have no idea what it's for. To hang a hat? Loop a halter rope from a minipony? Act as a scarecrow for silky black dogs who have considered egg-eating when the cat kibble isn't enough? Maybe some of you crafty crafters know what these things are used for. I do not.
Hick was away on business today. He texted me during my plan time. "How did you like the duck?"
"The Pony calls it a goose. I call it hideous."
I swear. It's like living in a house decorated by Tom Cullen. Yes. M-O-O-N. THAT Tom Cullen.
I call it a goose and it is used for...ah...er...ah...decoration?
ReplyDeleteI will say in no uncertain terms: I will NEVER consider hiring Hick to decorate my home.
ReplyDeleteNo goose or "goosing" for me...
Is it porcelain? Maybe you could put I in the bathroom and Hick could hang his robe on it ...... Buy a big straw hat to hang on it, it will cover it.
ReplyDeletePeople bring me all sorts of "gifts". I feel I have to display them in some fashion for at least one season. It can be challenging.
Obviously it is a mounted head to hang on a wall to gain bragging rights (although falsely) that one has bravely killed and brought to the local taxidermist--a duck, a domestic white duck. Consider yourself lucky. It could have been a moose or an elk.
ReplyDeleteIt's a goose coat hanger. I like it!
ReplyDeletejoeh,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like a goose to me. Birdbrain Hick thinks it's a duck. Well, for his information, it doesn't walk like a duck, it doesn't talk like a duck...so it's not a duck.
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Sioux,
Another one of Hick's dreams crushed by Madam Dreamcrusher. Don't you dare refuse to stop by for a haircut in the antique barber chair he has had in the basement for 17 years, which will eventually be moved to the BARn when he hangs out his "Old-Time Haircuts for Old Men" shingle.
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Kathy,
It is shiny, and looks breakable like porcelain. Hick has no robe, and I don't especially want him to hang his tighty-whities on a goose beak in my bathroom. He DOES have an old straw hat that he wears when mowing the yard or blading the gravel road with his tractor. That just made me think of a big Hick head nailed to the garage wall.
Maybe Hick could bring you some "gifts" to display. I'm sure He Who would love to see them.
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Leenie,
The duck contingent is outnumbered. You and Hick are being sent to remedial avian-identification class. Bring your binoculars.
It could have been a mouse out of my bathroom light/fan fixture.
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Stephen,
I prefer the wire coat hangers, but they don't look very good nailed to the garage wall.