Another Hickism

Wednesday morning, I asked Hick if he was ever going to leave. Him not having a current project has wreaked havoc with my routine. Hick is usually up at 5:30 a.m., and gone by 6:15. Without a purpose, he has been sleeping in. Until 7:00. Then he hangs around a bit. That's usually when I doze off after my 6:00 phone call to The Pony.

"I'm waiting for the hardware store to open. The gal don't get there before 8:00. I'll leave in a few minutes. By the time I get my donut, she'll be open."

"What do you need from the hardware store?"

"I need some... uh, well... heh, heh. They're called sex bolts. They have another name, but everybody calls them sex bolts. They have one end that goes into another end."

"Like nuts and bolts?"

"No. One side's not threaded. They just fit inside each other. And then nothin' don't stick out. They're used for stuff like holding a saw blade in the handle. Or parts of a gun or BB gun. I need some to make repairs to some of my inventory at my shop."

I kind of understood when he gave the saw blade example. Then later Hick came home with a paper sack of sex bolts, and showed me a couple.

"She didn't have as many as I wanted. Said nobody does. The supplier is out. I need to find somewhere to get my sex bolts."

I'm not sure EVERYBODY calls these gadgets by that name. I've never heard it before.

A Yearly Treat

We met my best old ex-teaching buddy Mabel on Thursday, to have lunch with her and her husband. Our meeting place is a little restaurant on our way to Casino Town. No, we did not go to the casino. It's a busy time getting ready for Christmas. Mabel and I exchange gifts, and she gets a whole batch of Chex Mix, while I receive handmade chocolate-covered cherries, made by Mabel's own hands. Maybe I can get a picture of those in the future. Today, you're here for a respite from Bargain House talk, to feast with your eyes.

We arrived at 11:00. Hick was happy, because that meant he could still order from the breakfast menu. He had what I think was called Breakfast 2.

That's biscuits with gravy, sausage patties, hash browns, and two fried eggs over medium. Oh, and not soda, but tea for Hick's beverage.

 I had the chicken bacon sandwich, with fries. That's mayo and ketchup on the side. This picture doesn't really do my sandwich justice. So I'll give you a side view:

Thick, juicy chicken breast. And you can see the tomato on top, and melted pepperjack on the chicken. I did not want the lettuce on mine. What you can't see is my pickle spear hiding behind the sandwich. I love a good dill pickle.

Mabel had a classic cheeseburger. Her favorite, the Smoked Gouda Pork Burger, is only served on Mondays. She has commanded that we return in January, ON A MONDAY, to eat this burger. I'm game!

Mr. Mabel had pancakes, modeled here by Mabel's own chocolate-covered-cherry-making hands. Poor Mr. Mabel endured some dental work the previous day, and can only eat soft foods for about a month! I don't have sympathy for many people, but I DO have sympathy for Mr. Mabel. I hate going to the dentist. He had a bruised jaw, like my mom used to get from the dentist. He also had some scrambled eggs to accompany the pancakes.

Hick and I devoured every morsel on our plates, but Mabel and her mister did not. We are gluttonous locusts when we go out, consuming everything in sight. Keep your hands and feet away from our mouths! If you like looking online at food pictures and menus, here's a link. I was waffling between that chicken sandwich, and the smoked turkey/bacon sandwich, and the kettle beef. I guess we can go back more often so I can try them all!

A nice visit was had by all. Mabel updated me on the latest happenings with mutual acquaintances, and Hick and Mr. Mabel talked nonstop about nothing. I swear, those two could have their own TV show about nothing. At least it's like nothing to me. Cars, guns, flip houses, flea market stores...

Can you believe they all tried to tell me how glorious knee replacement surgery can be??? I swear, for a minute, I thought this whole reunion was a cleverly-planned intervention! Two things DID pique my interest. "They have units in the hospital where you can stay and get physical therapy for up to 10 days, or you can go home the same day." And, "You will be able to do things in the afternoon that you couldn't do in the morning before your surgery."

We'll see what January brings. For sure, it won't be bringing me a knee replacement. 

The Closing Comes to a Close

As a closer of several houses, I have come to not-stress as much as I used to as the date looms. It's not the part about making a commitment to pay tens of thousands of dollars, or to accept them from somebody else. It's the actual event. The time I am trapped sitting at a conference table, making small talk while waiting to sign papers and have my driver's license copied. At least I know the layout of the abstract company where we have been closing our deals. The facilitator is kind and businesslike, and gets it over with quickly. And Hick and The Pony are there to draw any attention away from me.

Wednesday, I picked up The Pony, drove a couple miles back to the office, and waited for time to go in, or for Hick to arrive. A car parked behind me while T-Hoe was still rolling.

"Oh, no! I think that's Realtor behind us. I wonder if she wanted this parking space. I could pull up to the handicap space. But then I'd have to walk farther back to the steps to get to the ramp."

"You're fine, Mom." Just then a lady walked past the passenger side, and The Pony said (louder than I felt was necessary) "It IS Realtor!"

"Shh! She heard that!"

"Well, it IS her. So it's not like I said anything bad."

"Oh, no. I bet she sits in my chair! You know, because it's on the end. We haven't used a realtor before, but I bet that's where they sit. And the Abstract Lady at the other end."

"It will be fine, Mom. I'll hold your chair so it doesn't roll back when you sit down."

"I hope there's room for that against the wall..."

Hick drove up, and parked across the street. We all went inside. Abstract Lady was holding the door open for us. We went into the conference room, and indeed, Realtor was in MY seat! Not that she knew, of course. Most people don't go to these things often enough to have their own chair. I was able to get past Hick, already seated in HIS chair, and get situated with The Pony's help. Coincidentally, The Pony sat at the other end of the table, opposite Realtor. Abstract Lady sat across from Hick.

Abstract Lady summarized the pages, and showed where our signatures were needed. On the second form, I noted that my middle initial was wrong! "Oh, we'll need to change that. Here. I marked it out. Just write yours in, and initial." So I did. On all the forms! The Pony and I are sure the error was because Hick went by before they drew up the papers, and his chicken-scratch writing made it indecipherable. He DID say that Realtor had told him to sign my name to save time.

Anyhoo... when we were gathering the TEN-DOLLAR cashier's check from the bank, I had asked Hick if the amount due at closing had been adjusted for the $500 of earnest money he had put down with the contract when he started the title search at the Abstract Company. He said it was. He had called Realtor (who was at a doctor's appointment that day) to get the amount due. She had checked with Abstract Lady and gave him the amount over the phone.

Anyhoo... when we got to the page showing the financial details, such as who was paying the 2024 taxes due, and current utilities, I elbowed Hick. "Did you ask about the $500 earnest money?" He asked Abstract Lady if it had been included, and she said that it had. She pointed to that part on the form. Hick looked at it.

"But it shows here that it wasn't subtracted."

Abstract Lady looked again. "Oh. That's right. We'll cut you a check for $500 before you leave."

Then a discussion ensued about how the amounts are listed, with Realtor saying she always expects the final number in the column to be the amount due, but this form had the total in the next-to-last line, and then showed the $500 had already been paid. So it seemed an honest mistake, either in the writing of the form, or the perception by Realtor. Even my conspiracy theory mind does not suspect Realtor and Abstract Lady of running a scam to split an extra $500. I think Abstract Lady was a bit embarrassed by that little faux pas.

Anyhoo... Abstract Lady went to copy our IDs, and a set of documents for us. Hick chatted with Realtor, who said, 

"If you get your other property divided, I can sell those houses in no time! Especially the little one. So many people call about it. That's the one they see, on the main street as they go by. It's a cute little house. 

I'm from the era where you saved money for a down payment, and then got a loan to buy a house. These days, there are so many programs where you can get a house without a down payment. You wouldn't believe the number of people I get who want to put $100 down with me to make an offer, but then ask me if I can wait on cashing the check until their payday!

The thing with your houses is that no government loan program is going to loan anybody money with nothing down if there is a way for them to make money on that property. Like having a second house to rent. The loan is what's holding it up. With the houses having separate addresses, on different streets, I'm pretty optimistic that the city will let you divide them."

The things you learn! So that division process is underway, with a date of mid-January for the decision. 

Anyhoo... Abstract Lady came back with a little bag of goodies for us (sometime I'll give you a photo), and the best goody of a $500 check. The Pony and I went from there to Casey's, where I bought him that $500 winning scratcher. So I was instrumental in "earning" us $1000 that day!

It pays to roll with Val!

The Ink Is Barely Dry on the Closing Documents

We just signed the papers to officially own Bargain House on Wednesday. On Thursday, Hick was already furnishing that purchase.

On the way to meet my best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel for lunch, we passed a driveway with something at the end.

"Did you see that? I think it was a sink! If it's still there, I'm stopping on the way home!"

"Well. At least you'll be on the right side of the road for it then..."

"I'll pull into their driveway!"

Hick is as lucky about finding furnishings for flip houses as I am with finding winning scratchers! That sink WAS still there two hours later as we headed home. 

"Get me a picture!"

Hick is not great with picture composition. But at least this one was not a small item of interest in a giant panoramic view. Though I could have done without his shadow.

"This will be great for the new house's bathroom! It will save me about $150. The faucet by itself is probably worth $70. And there's two little water connector pipes on the back. They're $10 each."

As Hick was leaving that random driveway, he saw something on the gravel.

"Did I leave some trash? Maybe it fell out of the car. I can't leave trash behind."

He got out to pick it up. It was that Walmart plastic bag shown in the sink. Hick didn't look in it yet. He thinks it was some kind of pipe that goes with the sink.

Anyhoo... a sink has fallen into Hick's lap. The Pony was almost as excited as Hick, when I sent the picture to inform him of the free sink.

Of All the Random Randomness

I picked up The Pony on Wednesday (his day off) to go to the closing for the Bargain House. The Pony had forgotten to pick up a card for Hick's birthday, so I said we had time to swing by Country Mart. The Pony mentioned that while inside getting the card, he could pick us up some scratchers. However, when The Pony got in T-Hoe, he said he had forgotten his cash in the house.

"Never mind. I'm going by there later anyway, to get the Sister Schubert's Rolls for Christmas Dinner. And I already planned to get some scratchers. I've been getting the gift tickets this week. So no big deal."

The Pony got the card. He gave Hick a candy bar ("If Dad doesn't want it, I'll eat it!") and a gift card to a local pub where Hick has eaten before. "Somebody on my route gave it to me, and made sure to tell me that it expires December 31. I don't go there, but I know Dad had eaten there before."

After the closing, we drove a block to the School-Turn Casey's.

"I'm going in to use their bathroom and get some lottery tickets."

"Oh. Well. I forgot my money, but I was really feeling like a $50 ticket."

"I might have enough money with me..."

"I'll go in and get my money when your drop me off."

So in I went. The bathroom was occupied. I went to the counter for my tickets. They had two $50 tickets in their case. I had not planned on getting one here for the gift tickets. I felt like the Sis-Town Casey's was calling me for that one. In choosing The Pony's ticket, I went against the choice I would have made for a gift ticket. I don't know why. The other one has better odds. But something about that ticket got my attention.

Out in T-Hoe, I told The Pony we should wait until we were in his driveway to scratch it. Because I didn't want to take up the single handicap space for that. The Pony was chomping at the bit, but agreed. Once we got to his house, The Pony started scratching. He does the top of the ticket first. The bonus part.

He was leaning over the dashboard, where I couldn't see what he was scratching. "Mom. You're not going to believe this, but..."

The Pony won $500 on that ticket! Yes, he went in the house and brought me money to pay for it. I was shocked. I never expected this ticket to win anything. I guess I just can't help my luck!

Bargain House, Not Quite Ready to Make Its Debut

Tuesday, I asked Hick to get some pictures of our newest purchase (as of TODAY), Bargain House. He drives by that area on his way to the Senior Center, where he was going to deliver presents to the people who also have their meals delivered.

"Be careful you don't get bit!" I said, meaning by pets, but with an uneasy realization that it could be by a person, since that one lady last year started ranting about her neighbor getting a bigger present. As if Hick can see inside to know what the gift is.

"Heh, heh! I won't get bit! I'm just the driver. My buddy is the one who gets out to deliver the gifts. I'll sit in the car."

Which made me wonder if it's the same buddy who got bitten in the armpit by a dog too tall for the fence, while delivering meals last month.

Anyhoo... Hick had driven by Bargain House the day before, just to see if people were still trying to get inside from seeing the listing, which has been coded as PENDING, but is still online.

"I didn't see nobody there, but the ladder was gone out of the back yard. And it looked like something had been drug across the back porch. I can't remember what was there that was big enough to do that. I tried the doors, and nobody can get inside."

"Get me some pictures. Outside and inside. It's not that big."

"I don't want to do that right now, in case the seller comes by to get some of their stuff. That might be where the ladder went."

"Oh. Well. It's just another day or two."

I'm sure you're just as eager as I am to get a peek! 

Allowing Hick to Deal with Financial Matters Is Like Lighting a Ticking Time Bomb

We have the closing on our newest flip house on Wednesday. Yeah! That WAS exceptionally quick! Ten days from viewing, offer, and close. It was Monday when Hick found out the amount of money due at closing. He had gone by the office of our Realtor. Saw her car, but she wasn't there. A phone call revealed that she was in the city for a routine medical appointment. She called Hick back with the amount.

On our last purchase, Hick wanted one check to present at closing. So we pulled money from our sources, and put it in one account, and drew a cashier's check from that account. This time, Hick decided we should take two cashier's checks, one from each source, because it would be easier. Okay. Not my problem, since he was doing the legwork. 

Thing is, last Friday Hick asked a representative of one financial institution if they needed a cashier's check for us to deposit into the account, to draw one cashier's check from it. She said they could take a personal check.

WHAT?

I asked Hick if he told her the amount. Oh. Well. No. He did not. I thought that might make a difference. Even though we've had money there for over 35 years, surely they have a policy in place for the amount of money they can accept from a personal check. So I called to ask. Huh. The gal, upon hearing the amount we would be depositing, said that a cashier's check would be easier to deal with. 

Again, not a problem. We just needed to know, since time is of the essence, and with only one day for the transfer, we didn't want to have a hold on the check. So I informed Hick, who said Realtor gave him the bright idea of just bringing TWO cashier's checks, one from each institution. 

Off Hick went to the bank. An experience he found off-putting.

"I told them I was there to get a cashier's check for closing on a house, and the gal told me it would cost me ten dollars! I was NOT happy. I asked her why. We've been banking there forever. We have more than twice the amount of that check in our account. You would think that was good enough for them just to give us a cashier's check. They used to do it for no charge, back when we bought the QuickFlip in the summer. I was so mad I almost said, 'Then just give me all my money. I'm taking it out.' But I didn't So we had to pay ten dollars to get the cashier's check."

That's a relief. I hate to think of Hick carting around all that money. It gives me visions of Hick wallowing in it like Scrooge McDuck.