Those Sneaky Snakes at Hick's Living Units for the Elderlies

Hick got a call Sunday evening from one of his residents. This happens frequently, and you never know that you're going to get. This one was NOT something you would like to pick from a box of chocolates. 

"This old lady says she has a snake in her closet!"

"Why are you just sitting there? Aren't you supposed to go get it? Or tell her who to call?"

"Nah, her grandson is there, and he killed it."

"Well, that's good, but it seems like it could be a problem!"

"Yeah, some of the other ladies told her that an old man on the second floor saw two snakes."

"Where are they coming from? I don't think snakes can crawl up the walls. Maybe they could go up pipes. I don't know about stairs."

"Turns out he saw them on the first floor, in the hall right inside the door. So that's how they're getting in. I guess because it's been so hot, they're trying to get cool inside."

"Snakes are cold-blooded. They LIKE to be hot. That's why they lay on rocks and blacktop roads. Remember, it's only been in the 70s for a couple days, and down around the 50s at night. They're probably wanting to get WARM. What kind of snakes?"

"They said copperheads, but I don't know, because I haven't seen them."

"Supposedly copperheads mate for life. So if there's one, there's probably two."

"They said it was baby snakes."

"That's worse! You can't see them! And they have the most potent venom. I saw a bunch on the blacktop trail when I used to walk at the state park. They came right at me, striking at my foot. Good thing they were babies, and couldn't get their mouth open enough to bite my shoe sole."

"I guess I'll call our exterminator. I don't know how else to handle it. Every closet has a drain in it, because that's where the water heater is. I hope they're not going up the drains, but that lady is on the ground floor."

"Yeah, an exterminator should know who would handle it. You have to do SOMETHING!"

It's not something you would expect to happen in town. My grandma lived in the country, and found a giant black snake in her baseboard heater. My uncles pried it out and took it outside. Kind of creepy, but it wasn't a copperhead! We don't kill black snakes, because they're good for eating other pests. 

Nobody wants a surprise snake in the closet. Of any kind!

A Cross-Examination Might Be Necessary

You may have realized that we've gone from July to August. Apparently, Hick has not. I told him on Monday morning that he needs to bring home a new menu from the Senior Center. The last one went to August 1, which was Friday. A day that Hick pooh-poohed his bag lunch he took to his SUS2.5 (Storage Unit Store 2.5), and went to eat lasagna at the Senior Center.

Monday evening, I asked Hick what he had for lunch that day.

"Some kind of taco thing. It wasn't very good."

"Huh. You would have known if you'd brought home a menu on Friday." [They give them out on the last week of the current menu.] Where's the new one?"

"I don't think they have them ready yet."

"I don't want to miss a Reuben! That's why I want to look over the menu for August. In case there's a lunch that I like, so you can bring me one for supper."

"The Reuben is next Friday."

"Will you get one for me?"

"I usually don't go there on Fridays. I take my lunch."

"But you went LAST Friday, for lasagna! And the week before, for Christmas Dinner in July."

"I'll see..."

I sense a double standard here! Hick is willing to go eat at the Senior Center on Fridays when it suits him, but not sure he can tear himself away from his SUS2.5 to eat there and bring home a Reuben for me. 

Also, how did Hick know that Reubens would be next Friday if there was no menu available??? 

The Freebie Magnet Attracts Again

On the way to town Saturday evening, I encountered Hick in SilverRedO at the top of His and Buddy's Badly Blacktopped Hill. There were random boards sticking over the closed tailgate of SilverRedO.

"What's all that?"

"I got it for FREE!"

"Of course you did. I don't have time for that story now."

"Okay. I'm going to unload it."

Hick is never happier than when contributing new FREE stuff to his hoard! Later I got the details.

"It's from a lady at the storage units. She gave away a weight bench on Facebook, and I was teasing her about it."

"So she just has lumber sitting around her storage unit?"

"No. It was at her house. I had to go pick it up."

"You're losing me..."

"She said her husband was cleaning out the garage. He was piling everything out by the road. When she was listing it, I told her, 'Don't let him put the lumber out by the road! I'll come get it!' So she called him to let him know. Then I got it when I left."

"It looked like random boards. And a pallet."

"There was three 2x8s, and three 1x8s, and five or six 2x4s, and four 1x4s. It wasn't a pallet, just some cut-off boards nailed together. That was probably about $165 worth of lumber that I got for FREE. She's the same lady I got the FREE doors from."

Well, you know what they say: One woman's husband's junk is another man's FREE treasure.

Attention to Detail Is Key

I was in town Saturday evening when I got a text from Hick at 5:25...

"I have to go to the Apartments new guy can't get in"

Hick got home about an hour later, waving a set of keys.

"Somehow the key I give him to get in earlier doesn't work now. I don't know if he did something to the key, or something to the lock."

About an hour after that, Hick got another call from the guy. He said he had mixed up his apartment key with the key to his old house.

"Didn't you look at the key when you were trying it?"

"I tried the key he used, and it didn't work. So I gave him another key to the apartment."

"Aren't all the keys marked?"

"Yes."

"Did you LOOK at it?"

"I let him in with my other key, and gave it to him."

"So now he has two keys?"

"Yes. I also have a master key that lets me in all the apartments."

"Aren't they MARKED, though? Didn't you see that it wasn't the right key when you both were trying it?

"Most of them are marked, Val. I must have 500 keys left to me to deal with!"

"So you DIDN'T look!"

"I knew he had a way to get in. The window was open."

"WAIT! You expected him to crawl in a WINDOW?"

"No. It' s on the second floor. But I knew he got in, because there was a window open. So he was inside after I'd give him a key to move in, and opened a window. But then he said his key didn't work when he came back."

"You are so confusing! I didn't know what a window would have to do with anything."

"He probably went back to his other house to get stuff, and laid the key down, and forgot about it, and then tried his old house key when he came back to the apartment."

"Whatever. I'd think you would have at least LOOKED at the key you were trying, to make sure it was the apartment key."

"I tried the key he gave me in the lock, and it didn't work."

"But did you LOOK at it??? To see if it went to that apartment?"

"No. It's the same shape as our keys."

I don't know if the clueless is leading the keyless, or the keyless is leading the clueless. Maybe they should call in the blind for better leadership.

Hick is Apparently On-Call 24/7/365

No rest for the wicked weary! Hick got a call Friday night from a new resident of the senior apartments. He went out on the porch to talk to her. I tell him all the time how his phone doesn't work in the house. Everything he says is garbled, and there's a lag of about five seconds. He refuses to get up and move when I call, but he did for this lady. I guess she was having none of it, unlike Hick's cronies who struggle through with him repeating himself.

"What was that about?"

"The new lady who just moved in. She doesn't have electricity."

"I didn't think electricity was provided."

"It's NOT. I tell them that when they call about renting an apartment. It's in the papers they sign. THEY are responsible for the electric. She said the electric company wants $240 to turn it on."

"That seems like more than the usual deposit. I wonder if she owes them from a previous bill."

"Maybe. She said the lady across from her said she could run an electric cord for her, but I said no, don't do that!"

"Could it start a fire?"

"No. She was gonna use it for the air conditioner, but it won't plug in. That's 220 instead of 110. So it wouldn't work for that anyway."

"At least the weather has cooled off. Supposed to be a low in the 50s tomorrow. Highs in the 70s. You'd think that if her new friend across the hall really wants to help her, she could let her sleep on the couch or something."

"I don't know. But the electricity is HER responsibility, not ours. I can't help that."

Hick can't save the world. No matter how much he likes to help people.

Hick Has Company Being the Caretaker of the World

Hick had a phone call Wednesday evening. He said it was some guy wanting to know if Hick could get him a phone number for his friend.

"He had my name as an emergency contact for the apartments. He said he talks to his friend every day, and hasn't heard from him in two days now."

"So did you give it to him?"

"No. I told him it's in my desk at the apartments, and I'd get it for him in the morning when I go to town."

"Did you tell him to call the police to check on his friend? He could be hurt. How will his phone number help if he can't get him to answer?"

"No. I don't know where the guy lives. He's renting an apartment from me, but he don't move in until next week. His buddy wants the number of his old landlord. It's on my paperwork. He says he's going try and find that landlord."

A couple hours later, Hick got another call. It was the buddy, saying he had gotten ahold of the landlord, and that his friend was okay. That was nice of him to follow through. We were both relieved. The buddy seemed kind of like another Hick, looking out for people.

The Universe Throws Us a Bone

Wednesday morning at 8:30, I got a phone call from Hick. That's unusual. He rarely contacts me unless he's had a change of plans.

"Val. I just got a call from Realtor. We have a full-price offer on our land. I'm going by at 10:00 to sign the papers."

!!!!!

There was still an hour-and-a-half for The Universe to monkey around with a big wrench. But everything was fine. SilverRedO didn't break down, and Realtor didn't break any more bones. The closing is set for the end of August, at the title company I prefer.

"Huh. Maybe we should have asked more!"

"I thought it was a fair price. It was more than my buddy offered me. The well alone is worth the difference."

"Yeah, especially where it is up on the hill. That would be an expensive well to drill."

"I think I read on the inside that it was about 150 feet deep."

"Was it the guy who called you? The one who's been looking at it?"

"Surprisingly no! It's a couple. A man and his wife. They'll have to send an appraiser, but they have already been approved for a loan. The good thing is, if something falls through between now and the closing, there will probably be another buyer ready to take it."

The Pony was thrilled with the news, and Genius was pleasantly surprised. The property listing is now coded as CONTINGENT on one site, and UNDER CONTRACT on another. 

Two days from listing to contract is fine with us! At the full asking price, too. Can't get much better than that. Well. Realtor might beg to differ. The buyer had gone through another realtor, and she will have to split the commission.