If It's Not One Thing, It's Old Buddy

Hick picked up his precious dumpster for the senior apartments on Monday. I passed him on the way home, as I was going to town. When I got back, he was in the garage, leaving for the auction. He had no time for stories then, but had plenty to talk about when he got home from the auction around 9:00.

"That Old Buddy costs me money every time I turn around! I guess he just don't think. I need him to work for me, but he needs to get his heat outta his butt! We got the dumpster, and got it loaded in my truck. The lady had a couple other things I wanted. And a couple things Old Buddy wanted. I put mine in the back seat of the truck. They took up most of the room. So I told him to finish loading stuff in the back. The lady said we could lay that dumpster on its side, and put the other stuff in it, so it didn't blow away. She went back in, and Old Buddy finished loading.

When we got back and had the dumpster out of the truck, I told Old Buddy, 'You can go ahead and put that stuff in your car. I'm not doing anything else today.' And Old Buddy looked at what we had set out of the dumpster, and said, 'I didn't buy it.' So I told him, 'I didn't buy it!' And he said, 'I thought you did. It was sitting on that cart by your stuff, so I thought it was yours.'

The lady called me, saying I took too much stuff. More than I bought. I told her I just realized that when we were unloading. She said she had set it aside on a separate cart, for another buyer to pick up on Tuesday, and that she should have set it farther away. I told her I'd bring it back. She asked how far I had to drive, and I told her 90 minutes one way. Then she hung up, and I realized I can't do it Tuesday, because the guy from the electric company is coming to approve the new service entrance on the flip house after I put it in. So I sent her a message that I'll bring it Wednesday, but I haven't heard back from her.

There must be $200 worth of extra stuff I didn't buy! I got myself a deer head, and a fish, and a pheasant. Also a shovel and two axes and a hoe. Plus two lids for a bushel basket. I ain't never seen lids before. I wanted them to hang on the wall. Also I got a box of miscellaneous stuff, like linch pins and roll pins and coffer pins.

Old Buddy had loaded up a nail gun, and five baskets: three bushel and two half-bushel. He also had some kind of metal drawer full of stuff, and a piano bench kind of thing with claw feet with marbles in them. He said, 'Well, I guess I can drive them back.' But I don't know if I trust him to do that. He cain't seem to do anything right if I'm not watching him."

"So now she thinks you're shady, and you stole stuff from her!"

"No, she said she should have put the other stuff farther away. When Old Buddy was loading it, I thought it was stuff that he bought for himself, because we both was buyin' stuff. I told her I'd bring it back, but now I don't know how, because she ain't got back to me."

Hick has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, halfway towards where he stole the stuff, heh, heh bought the dumpster. So he's going to drive the stuff up to the lady afterwards, even if he hasn't heard from her, to see if she's there, and give it back.

Hick is many things, but a thief isn't one of them.

_________________________________________________________________

UPDATE:

Hick talked to the lady, and she said Wednesday will not work for her. But after that, she will be available, and Hick can bring back the items within 8 days. I'm not sure what that means. I guess she might be gone again. Hick says it's a big warehouse that the lady and her people are cleaning out, selling what they find. So it's not like he could just drop off the stuff at her house.

Hick told her he will bring the things back on Monday. He says that Old Buddy will be accompanying him, but that he will NOT be getting paid for his time. __________________________________________________________________

It's Heeeeere, But Not as Advertised

The Reuben has arrived! In fact, the Reuben has been consumed! Val is stuffed to the gills with Reuben and his accoutrements. I'd say this meal was a disappointment, but I enjoyed it so much that I cannot! Let's just let the record show that the meal I was delivered by Hick was not the meal that was listed on the monthly menu for the Senior Center.

Broccoli Cheddar Soup

Reuben Sandwich

Slaw

Pecan Pie Brownie

You'd think, that since they used that Broccoli Cheddar Soup as the headliner, that I would at least get Broccoli Cheddar Soup. No siree, Bob! I got soup, but it was more like Vegetable Beef.

At least it was more than orange liquid this time. Even chunkier than it looks here, because along with those vegetables and shell noodles and a couple cubes of beef, the soup was full of kidney beans! That's a new combination to me, but it was actually pretty tasty.

The star of the show did not disappoint:

There's that wonderful marble rye bread. It seemed like more meat than usual, and the cheese, kraut, and dressing were just right. Sadly, there was no SLAW! You know how Val likes her slaw. I couldn't tell what that side was supposed to be. It kind of looked like chicken salad. But no, Hick, who had already eaten a full lunch of the same foods, said it was potato salad. "They call it Loaded Baked Potato Salad. It has bacon in it." Well. It DID taste like a baked potato, but I didn't notice any bacon. The other "side" is a pile of oyster crackers to go with the soup.

I'm not a big fan of dessert, but this one tempted me:

It's a brownie all right. Whether it's a Pecan Pie Brownie remains to be seen. Hick ate the other one. I said he could have this one, too, as long as I get that edge part cut off. I like the edge!

Hick didn't eat his meal, since he was still full from lunch. But not too full for the brownie, heh, heh. I took Hick's soup, because he really doesn't like liquid in his soup.

Now there's only a month to wait until the next Reuben day, and find out what excuse Hick might have for not bringing one home for me, and devise a scheme to thwart his devious plan.

The Reuben Solution

Monday was Reuben Day, you know! The day this month when Reuben Sandwiches were on the menu for the Senior Center. Hick had plans to drive to Illinois to get a trash dumpster for the senior apartments, and said he probably wouldn't be back in time to get MY REUBEN.

Sunday evening, I asked Hick why they couldn't save a Reuben in the refrigerator for him, until he got back. It's not like they don't know where to find him, to collect the $5 for the meal. Besides, Hick is their pet! They always give him special treatment.

"Oh. [Person in charge whom Hick has done paid house renovations for in the past] says she'll put them in the refrigerator, and I can get them the next day. I'll get one for me, too."

"That's good! I wasn't planning to eat it until Tuesday anyway. I still have Chinese left from Friday, and you're going to the auction anyway, so you'll have auction food Monday night."

See? I wondered why they couldn't save a Reuben for Hick. I guess he never asked before, so apparently he DID ask this time. I'm sure he did it out of the kindness of his heart, and his abiding love for me, rather than as a result of my constant nagging reminding...

Monday morning around 10:30, Hick called. I was worried, because he was supposed to be in Illinois, reveling in his newfound dumpster ownership, not randomly calling me.

"Val? They're not serving Reubens today! They changed it to Tuesday. So you won't have a sandwich tonight."

"That's fine. I didn't expect a Reuben tonight anyway. I'm eating Chinese. So it will be just like you said before. You'll bring it home Tuesday night, and we can have Reubens for supper."

"Okay. I just wanted you to know."

I must have given Hick PTSD about that Reuben! Now if I could only do that with T-Hoe's long-needed oil change...

Evolving Plans for the Cheap House

We still don't have a closing date for the really Cheap House that is in foreclosure. Hick has been thinking about what he's going to do, once we actually complete the formalities and take possession.

"I was thinkin' about that house, and I might just get it all cleaned out and patched up, then sell it as a flip."

"At the price we're getting it, I would agree with that. Then we could use the profit to get another flip that doesn't need as much work."

"Yeah. It looks good from the outside. But I'd tear off the back porch they cobbled on."

"Of course you'll fix the hole in the floor?"

"Yeah. And tear out all the drywall. Basically take it down to the studs. So it's all ready for somebody else to take over and do what they want. Like I did with Pony House."

"That sounds good to me. We'll have to ask Pony about it. But you know how long we've been looking, and there's hardly been ANY reasonable flip houses all year long. Even Realtor said she doesn't know what's going on. It's like somebody is hoarding all the flip houses."

"This one is in a good neighborhood, so it should sell if somebody wants a flip."

"I was looking yesterday, and saw THREE flip houses in a decent price range for what they are. One doesn't show any inside pictures, so it's probably a hoarder house that's trashed. The other is in a town that's hard to re-sell. But the third one looks decent. Somebody has started re-doing a couple rooms. You should look at them. It will give you an idea what we might ask for Cheap House once you tear it out. I think we could double our money on it, since we won't be spending much."

The Pony is on board with this plan. Now all we need to do it get a date to sign the papers, and fork over our money. Oh. And Hick needs to get off his less-than-$300 a week job, and finish Bargain House.

There Oughta Be a Law! Oh, Wait...

I stopped by the Backroad's Casey's on Friday afternoon, for my scratchers. I won $25 after spending $10. But that great windfall, heh, heh, is not the point of this tale.

There was a white pickup truck parked squarely in the handicap space. The other spaces in front of the store were full. So I had to park at the farthest end, next to that white pickup, by the dumpster. Of course there was no handicap plate, nor placard, on that white pickup truck.

As I was sliding down from the driver's seat, I saw a city police car pull onto the Casey's lot. He was coming straight towards me, facing the front of the store.

"OOH! Good! He'll see me hobbling out, with my placard dangling from the mirror, and this unmarked white pickup truck PARKED ILLEGALLY IN MY RIGHTFUL HANDICAP SPACE!" That's the thought that went through my mind. Exactly. With quotes and proper grammar, of course. Once a VALedictorian, always a VALedictorian!

The police car turned left and drove across the front of the store, exiting on the side street.

WHAT IN THE NOT-HEAVEN???

What is the point of having laws if nobody enforces them! It's not like that police car roared into Casey's, lights flashing and siren wailing. It was just a casual drive. Perhaps a cut-through to avoid traffic. Still, there was clearly a vehicle in the lone handicap parking space, unmarked with legal permittage, right in front of the sign proclaiming: $50 to $300 Fine.

No wonder the scofflaws continue to take up the handicap parking spaces. There's NO PENALTY because the police ignore it. 

And what's with that law enforcement officer, anyway? Isn't he sworn to protect and to serve? To protect Val's rightful handicap parking space from usurpers, and serve her bloated sense of entitledness? 

The Popular Hick Gets Another Nighttime Phone Call

We were in the middle of watching Survivor on Wednesday night when Hick's phone rang. I had to turn down the TV volume so he could hear his phone. Which meant that I could also hear his phone conversation, since Hick needs a traveling Garrett-Morris-style interpreter for the hard-of-hearing.

It was a woman from the senior apartments, asking permission to light a fire. Just four logs. She was planning to have three friends come over. I guess they would each have their own log, heh, heh! The whole plan sounded sketchy to me. Hick assured her it would be fine, but he needed to bring a metal saw to cut the chain, and he would do it tomorrow. Obviously, there were some details to which I was not privy.

"What in the world? Does she have a fireplace?"

"No. She wants to light a fire out back, in the fire pit. They want to roast some marshmallows. I said it's fine, but I have to cut a chain."

"Why is there a chain on a fire pit?"

"The old guy who died, who was there before me, had his grill chained to the fire pit so nobody would steal it."

"How can you chain something to a fire pit? Isn't it just a circle of bricks? What does the chain hook on?"

"It's an old-timey fire pit, Val. It's that shape."

"You have told me nothing! WHAT shape? Where does the chain go?"

"It's square. With a chimney up the back."

"Still not understanding the chain thing."

"Through the metal!"

"You mean it has a grill? A grill chained to a grill?"

"Like at a campground. There's metal to lay the meat on."

"Oh. So it's like, a metal rack cemented into the sides of the thing you called a fire pit, that is actually a grill? With another grill chained to it?"

"Yes. You cain't understand nothin'!"

Anyhoo... on Thursday afternoon, Hick reported that he had freed the fire pit from the grill by using a jigsaw.

"You used a SAW? How thick was that chain??? At school, the janitors just used a bolt cutter to clip through the loops of a padlock. Surely the chain wasn't thicker than a padlock."

"No. But I don't have bolt cutters. I DO have a jigsaw. Now they can roast their marshmallows."

I imagine those ladies are going to make a night of it on Saturday, watching a fireworks display at the top of Main Street. There's a big fundraiser going on all day Saturday, with the street blocked, and vendors, and a cruise with old cars, culminating in fireworks. You'd think Hick would know about that, and put 2 and 2 together, since he inserts himself into everything SENIOR in the town.

Now Hick is going to want bolt cutters. I'm pretty sure. I don't know what's going to happen to the old man's grill, now that it's been unchained.

O Reuben, My Reuben

Hey, it's October. You know what THAT means! Time for another monthly menu for the Senior Center lunches, to see when my precious Reuben Sandwich will be served. Hick actually brought home a menu on Wednesday, October 1st. This one starts on Monday, October 6th, because that's where the last menu left off. 

Hick was outside mowing when I looked over the menu. I was eager to see my Reuben day, since I had "missed" the last one. Surely this time it wouldn't be on a Friday, giving Hick an excuse to not bring me a Reuben. I looked. And looked. 

THERE WAS NO REUBEN SANDWICH ON THE MENU!!!

How could this be? There's always a Reuben! I saw a couple new items, like Pork Roast and Cabbage. Chili and Grilled Cheese. Chicken Pot Pie. Maybe they had switched over to a winter menu. Why? A Reuben Sandwich can be eaten during the winter! It's hearty and filling. What if I had already eaten my last Reuben, and didn't even appreciate the significance?

When Hick came in, I bemoaned the loss of my Reuben.

"I looked at your new menu, and there's NO REUBEN! You should really feel bad about not getting me one last time. Now I have to wait a whole other month to see if it comes back."

"There's a Reuben."

"No. I looked at every day."

"It's on Monday."

"WHAT?"

I grabbed the menu and read the whole thing for Monday:

Broccoli Cheddar Soup

Reuben Sandwich

Slaw

Pecan Pie Brownies

MY REUBEN WAS BACK!!!

Who in the Not-Heaven puts Reuben under soup? That's like putting Baby in a corner! Not cool! I was too relieved to be reunited with my Reuben to hold a grudge against the menu-maker. But then the situation took a dark turn...

"Oh, good! I didn't see it! Now you can bring me a Reuben on Monday!"

"Well, Monday I'm going to Illinois to pick up a trash dumpster. I won't be there for lunch."

"WHAT? You always have an excuse!"

"I told you I was getting a dumpster from a lady off Facebook. She finally sent me her address. That's what I was waiting for. She had agreed to sell it to me, then when I asked for her address she quit talking to me. I don't know how she thought I was going to pick it up without knowing where it was! I didn't pay her nothin'. So it don't make no sense. It can't be a scam if I don't pay her until I pick it up."

"Of all the days, you have to go to Illinois for a DUMPSTER on REUBEN DAY?"

"Yeah. I need it for the apartments. It's a long way to go, but I'll get my money back from the apartments. I'll try to tell my friend who runs the kitchen to save me a Reuben. Maybe I can get back in time to pick it up."

Have I mentioned that I do not like Hick having his less-than-$300-a-month job with the senior apartments? Now it might cost me a Reuben!